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Lets Talk About Sex in Sri Lanka October 19, 2006

Posted by ravana in sex.
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 The Sri Lankan understanding of safe sex may well be different.

The Sri Lankan understanding may well be different. 

 

It is about bloody time we started talking about sex. Honestly, the way people approach the subject of sex in Sri Lanka, even on the blogosphere which we can safely assume to be a more educated liberated sample, is laden with coyness and guilt. It is no secret that to outsiders, especially Westerners, Sri Lankans appear sexually repressed. We do not talk about it openly without guilt or shame, and the resulting shyness and misplaced humour that it evokes makes it obvious that we do not accept sex as a normal human need that should be fulfilled irrespective of marital status.

 We never get taught sex education in school. Even though there was a chapter on the sexual reproduction system in my GCE ordinary Level Science textbook in school, this topic was successfully ignored by the teacher. I just thought he was skipping it because he feared the dynamite laden questions the horny and curious 15 year-olds in his class had for him. However, one of the reasons he said he was skipping it was because it hardly got any questions set on it in the exam. He was right – no questions about sex in my O/L year, even though it was an official part of the syllabus. Contrast this reluctance to address the issue of sex education, with the UK’s sex education system where it is common for girls of thirteen to be taught in class how to put a condom on a dummy penis.

While Sri Lankans may have had a sexually open culture in the times of Sigiriya’s topless lathas, it appears to me that the prudishness of Victorian England seems to have given us a splitting colonial hangover.  It is almost like we in Sri Lanka think, “Oh my god, I can’t teach my kids about birth control because that means they are going to do it, and then what will Loku Nanda and Sybil Aunty next door and the dobi’s cousin-in-law-twice-removed say?” Well, the harsh truth is, the kids are going to grow up and have sex anyway, and if they have not been taught the importance of contraception they are a less likely to use any, and then they are going to get pregnant. And then, they are going to feel so afraid of society’s reaction that they are going to go to a dingy little abortion clinic and have their reproductive organs messed up beyond repair by some ill-equipped and unsanitary quack.

One statistic I’ve heard being bandied around says that there are approximately one thousand illegal abortions conducted in Sri Lanka every day. I am sure this number can be reduced if we just chilled out a little bit, faced the fact that our puthas and duwas and nangis and mallis are doing some serious bonking, and accepted that everybody would be much better off if they knew about condoms, the pill and the Morning After – what it is, how to use it, and where to get it.

The large number of abortions are not even the worst symptom of our refusal to talk about sex. When normal sex is not accepted as normal, then abnormal sex seems to come to the fore. People don’t seem able to tell the difference. Have you seen the papers lately? It’s full of rape, and underrage sex, and all types of abuse. I read this article about some man in Moratuwa who had molested a nine-month year old baby. He was beaten senseless by the cops, but the point is: there is a sick world out there, and it has an address in Sri Lanka. Eve teasing in Sri Lanka is commonplace. Men touching you on the bus is commonplace, as most women users of public transport will confirm. Hell, even I’ve been felt up in the bus, and I’m a guy! I beleieve this is because the option of a “normal” outlet is not readily open. 

It is because of this general reluctance to talk about sex that I was so pleased to read the post entitled “Condom Shopping” on the Dragons of Eden blog. Apart from it being hilarious, it is also the first blog post I have seen featured on kottu.org which is about sex. I could have been wrong (after all, it’s not like I check kottu.org everyday), so I ran a search for the word “sex” on the kottu search bar. And these are the first six posts that came up: a philosophical rumination on why pubic hair exists, an unhealthy obsessive ode to Pizza (no, not as a sex aid), a techy in love with a piece of software,  a call for Buddhist fundamentalism in Sri Lanka,  a second techy in love with a programming language, and a review of a documentary about a place called Jesus Camp. None of those posts were even vaguely about sex, except of course for “Condom Shopping”, which now heads the list. So congratulations to Dragons of Eden for deflowering our virginal blogosphere. It was long overdue.

 It’s going to take a lot to change Sri Lankan attitudes about sex. America was puritanical, and changed its attitudes only because of the reasearch of people like Masters and Johnson, Kinsey and Nancy Friday. They showed the West that everybody has a sex life (active or otherwise), and that everybody was normal. I look forward to the day that this belief is shared widely in Sri Lanka. 

Comments»

1. lizbara - October 19, 2006

Overall I very much agree with you and well said as usual. But note that America has not moved entirely beyond the puritan: Unlike in Sri Lanka, you can’t just walk into the corner pharmacy and pick up a box of Postinor-9 (the morning after pill that’s available in SL). You have to get a prescription from a doctor — if the doctor’s religious beliefs allow him or her to prescribe it — and then go to a pharmacy with this little permission note, where if the pharmacist also doesn’t refuse to serve your babykilling (hello? baby-preventing, that’s the point!) sinful sexual ass, you can get the damn medicine, period*. Er, no pun intended.

*negating my assertion that the pun was not intended, please note that “period” is American for “full stop”, this thing at the end of the sentence -> .

2. Sam - October 19, 2006

Sri Lanka is a religious country. Religion normally grabs you by the nutsack and get you to do what they want. If you want to know about Sri Lankan sex life, read the world sex guide site. It keep on repeatedly point out Sri Lanka is not a good palace for have sexual experience. Also check out how many foreign sex workers active in Sri Lanka. What is going on? Even we have to import sex now?

Saying that, I also want to say Sri Lankan is not torrent to sexual activity or differences in general. We have openly homosexual politicians – while it is hard for homosexual politicians to come out the closet even in America. Sri Lanka was sexually very open country, like all other Asian countries, until we turn in to Christian country and remain as a Christian country till today.

Again this is a religious country. We keep our girls inside the house. Mothers take her to school, take her back home. Take her to classes. Till she finish school. Then call for proposal – news papers advertisements very good – handover to a guy – rich guys is good – if live abroad then it is wonderful. Then may babies happen. And she becomes a protector of sexual restriction. That is basically it.
Forget about sex. Still middle class Sri Lankan have big issues with female dress codes.

The funny side is, it is not that bad to have sex life with a female who don’t know what the sex life is. Then you can start any time and end any time you want. No need to worry about other side’s end. :-)

But been serious again, even America did not get sexual freedom over night. It was really hard difficult process. It needs education, free thinking, and most of all economic power.

This is a very lengthily discussion that can go in to greater details.

3. lankanfunkin - October 19, 2006

*clap!* *clap!* *clap!* *clap!*

errr, and I mean “clap” as in a demonstration of approval or encouragement by striking the flat of the hands together, and not the slang reference to gonorrhea, a common venereal disease caused by the bacterium Neisseria gonorrhoeae. VDs happen to be another fabulous reason to practise safe sex!

4. Electra - October 19, 2006

super post.

talking about sex, be it in school or in the home, is very important. education is the key to the prevention of unnecessary and harmful mistakes and its also the key to knowing. especially for girls, a lot of the fear, the uncertainty of whether its something natural or something sinful, the ignorance about the consequences etc comes from simply NOT KNOWING.

sex education and more importantly it seems, sexuality education, is crucial in present times even more than it was before. religious and moral extremists think that sex ed is harmful; they should try ignorance and see how much more harmful that is.

5. T - October 19, 2006

The great irony in Sri Lanka and many Asian countries is that those who blame the moral decline of society and the corruption of its youth on westernisation fail to realise that to a large part our attitude towards sex as an evil act are decidely western hangover. Go to any village in Sri Lanka and I’ll wager they are alot more openminded when it comes to sex than us in Colombo (or any big city for that matter).

Electra what do you mean by sexuality education?

6. aljuhara - October 19, 2006

totally agree with you.
Until I was about 19 I thought that Sri Lankans didnt have sex and it was just another silly Hollywood “thing”.

http://aljuharawrites.blogspot.com/2006/10/tell-me-why.html

7. aljuhara - October 19, 2006

Uh,ok I was home schooled, and a female. perhaps thats why I was SO dumb. and maybe 19 is exaggerating a bit.

8. Sophist - October 19, 2006

Ravana it also stems from the inherent insecurity of the Sri Lankan male. It’s very unlikely he’ll tolerate a woman (the general bloke that is) who has been sexually active as his wife – although he will not expect other women to be as sexually sacrosanct. Men have done little to promote awareness and liberation.

Women are running scared. A lot more people than you would imagine are afraid of being labelled a ‘whore’.

The fact is that women in this country – for whatever reason – don’t put out. As a result the men are frustrated. Marry. And screw around. The women are equally frustrated with the limiting of this wonderful new weapon they have acquired and look for safe areas to test it in. It’s a vicious bloody cycle.

Ravana the only problem I have with your argument is that in Britain – where they learn to put a condom on a dummy penis at 13(wonder how they revise for that exam) – we also have, by far, the largest teenage pregnancy rate. So is it purely education based or also a question of social mores and attitudes?

9. Ru - October 19, 2006

Actually teen pregnancy rates can directly be linked to would-be / would-not-be education levels (wrenching stories about the use of cling-film and crisp-bags as prophylactics abound in the U.K). But kudos Ravana, thank you for going against the general angst-ridden mores on this subject. I also support your if-the-’normal’-is-disallowed then-the-downright-freakish-will-certainly-take-place theory.

The predominant fright among teenage girls in this country is the getting pregnant factor, however plenty of these young women are sexually active in a sort of deviant fashion (I’ve heard of girls practicising the illegal-in-several-commonwealth-countries-type sex as young as 13, just to avoid this). T; you’re probably right about a broadening mind-set towards this topic as one ventures out of the city, in fact there is a lot more freedom of movement among the youth out of Colombo and friends from out of town unis claim that they have the best sex with non-residents of this graaaaate city.

10. ~ lo$t $oul ~ - October 19, 2006

finally the the curtain tear down for the public, atleast the bloggers. why is ppl are not willing to talk about in public. they consider this to be something of taboo. but the reality is that, its happening no matter if you dont talk about it. its about the attitude of the society and how they view sex in relation to it. its bloody part of evolutionary procees and pleasure. its better to be preventive than to face the dirty n ugly consequences. when you on the moral side of this, i’d be heated and lengthy argument about this. but if you look at it from the simple point of a connection between two sexes(in todays case its different) but plain simple man n woman sex, thts it.. just a connection between two, temporary or long term. the labeling is another cause for this to be happenin between closed curtain and the perception of a man/woman sleepin with other than her regular partner perceived as whore/bastard is ridicuilous…

11. ravana - October 19, 2006

I think a small part of all of us likes to feel that we are the only ones our significant others have ever been intimate with. We like to feel special. I think this is true for men as well as women.

In Sri Lanka however, men are seen as the only ones who want and enjoy sex, where as women are seen as pure and above such “dirty” activities, and thus many men seem to be too insecure to handle women who have previously enjoyed an active sex life. This is nothing unique to us, however, as it was much the same in the pre-1950 U.S.

I think the Women’s Liberation movement in the West did a lot to break these ideas of male ownership. In Sri Lanka, where a large part of the economic backbone is women, it is high time for women to express their rights, sexual and otherwise.

On the second point made by Sophist, there are many studies that show the inverse relationship between sex education and teenage pregnancy. If not for sex education, the rates of teenage pregnancy in Britian would be even higher.

The good thing about being open about sex, even if the sex education system seems to be ineffective, is that you can openly examine the problem and find a practical solution. This has happened in the UK. I am sure that Sophist for one would be fairly happy with the proposed solution. See below.

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1212734,00.html

Oral sex lessons to cut rates of teenage pregnancy

Mark Townsend
Sunday May 9, 2004
The Observer

Encouraging schoolchildren to experiment with oral sex could prove the most effective way of curbing teenage pregnancy rates, a government study has found.
Pupils under 16 who were taught to consider other forms of ‘intimacy’ such as oral sex were significantly less likely to engage in full intercourse, it was revealed.

Britain’s teenage pregnancy rate is the highest in Europe. In 2002 there were 39,286 teen pregnancies recorded. The government has spent more than £60 million to tackle the problem but so far failed to halt the rise.

A sex education course developed by Exeter University trains teachers to talk to teenagers about ‘stopping points’ before full sex.

Now an unpublished government-backed report reveals that a trial of the course has been a success. Schoolchildren, particularly girls, who received such training developed a ‘more mature’ response to sex.

The study by the National Foundation for Educational Research found youngsters were ‘less likely to be sexually active’ than peers who received traditional forms of sex education, dispelling the fears of family campaigners who believe such methods actually arouse the sexual interest of teenagers.

Now the government will recommend the scheme, called A Pause, to schools throughout England and Wales following the success of the trial in 104 schools where sexual intercourse among 16-year-olds fell by up to 20 per cent, according to Dr John Tripp of the Department of Child Health at the University of Exeter, who helped to design the course.

Teachers who sign up to the course are primed to deal with queries from pupils on all kinds of sexual experience. Those behind the course stress the scheme does not suggest teenagers experiment with oral sex. Instead they say A Pause promotes the message that other forms of physical intimacy are safer than full intercourse.

‘It teaches people assertiveness skills and that they should be only as intimate as they feel comfortable with,’ said Tripp.

A Department for Education and Skills spokesman said the report’s verdict would be made available to all schools. ‘All teachers respect peer-reviewed material, and this will help influence their decision,’ he said.

12. aljuhara - October 19, 2006
13. Curious Yellow - October 19, 2006

Sophist could be right, as Sri Lankan males we are insecure and don’t want our women “screwing around” and indulging in such shenanigans.

On the other hand, maybe Lankan girls are just prickteases?

14. ghostwriter - October 19, 2006

Um. lizbara, postinor-9 is available without prescription. Not sure if that’s legal or not but I know this is the case. Unethical pharmacists have their uses, perhaps.

let’s not get into how I can be so confident in my claim :)

While on that topic, I had a hilarious incident going into a local Cargills to buy condoms recently. Looked around the usual shelf spots, couldn’t find any. Went and asked. The pharmacist (female) in the mini-pharmacy lowered her voice by several hundreds of decibels, verified what I needed… then pointed to a stack on display behind a locked glass cabinet (!!). I picked out one likely looking brand, my order was scribbled on a sheet of paper. Then I had to go to checkout, pay up by proffering that piece of paper with the cryptic code on it and then scurry back to the pharmacy section and pick up my wares.

I think furtive looks over my shoulder and a generally guilty air was expected of me, but I didn’t oblige. Come on… condoms are pharmaceutical items now?

By the way, sex-ed in school was a joke. I certainly hope things have gotten better since.

15. small - October 19, 2006

i hear sri lankan men are so insecure because they have small dicks…

most of the women i’ve spoken with who have experience with SL men confirm this…

hahahaha

16. ghostwriter - October 19, 2006

small: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean. No, that’s not a platitude :) I haven’t indulged in any dick size measuring competitions yet, but you just made me feel oh so insecure (not). I was expecting you to offer us some v1agra next.

/beware the guy peering intently at your groin area in the men’s room
//beware of people who “hear” such things. Maybe the women don’t want competition from “small”
///or not?
////slashies!

17. Curious Yellow - October 19, 2006

I was waiting for the old “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog” angle to come out. The only people to say this are people with small dogs :p

I’m not sure why [edit] thinks people need to be more open about sex in SL. The previous generation are probably a bit conservative about it, but today’s youth seem to be pretty clued up right?

18. ghostwriter - October 19, 2006

I somehow think that people who would be likely to be reading this post aren’t the target audience, really. Besides which, the last time this was attempted on indi’s blog, it disintegrated into something straight out of “The Lonely Planet guide to hooking up in SL”.

Fight in the dog vs Motion in the Ocean. Two subtly different concepts :) Is a smug disclaimer that I haven’t had any complaints thus far good enough? (then again, my sample size could be nil, for all anyone can tell)

Various jokes to do with canines also spring to mind, but err.. I should resist the temptation.

19. ravana - October 19, 2006

Personally I think that irrespective of how likely they are to read this a lot of Sri Lankans are fairly clueless. I think safe sex is some sort of theoretical ideal for them, rather than a practical neccesity. As ghostwriter’s supermarket example illustrates, even the open amongst us are constantly met with a society who speaks about sex in hushed tones. Legitimate safe sex is therefore harder to practice, because among other reasons, it is harder to find out about and harder to purchase the “tools” for. I’d bet half the people who read this post today – about 250 so far, and many of them probably still in school – did not know what Postinor was or where you could get it.

I checked up on this by the way. Postinor is the brand name of a Morning After contraceptive pill. It’s effective upto 72 hours after unprotected sex. It is available from Osu Sala without a prescription, and it is distributed by the family planning association. Osu Sala is the official government ministry pharmacy and is usually strict about prescriptions, but not for Postinor, which indicates that it is regarded in Sri Lanka as an over-the-counter drug.

20. David Blacker - October 19, 2006

Lizbara, as Ghostwriter has stated, Postinor is available over the counter (Arpico pharmacies sell it as a non-prescription drug).

Small, most SL women haven’t slept with a Burgher. Blame SWRD.

21. David Blacker - October 19, 2006

I also disagee, Sophist, that SL women don’t put out.

22. Global Voices Online » Blog Archive » Sri Lanka: Let’s talk about Sex - October 19, 2006

[...] ravana.wordpress.com on why no one talks of sex in Sri Lanka. “We never get taught sex education in school. Even though there was a chapter on the sexual reproduction system in my GCE ordinary Level Science textbook in school, this topic was successfully ignored by the teacher. I just thought he was skipping it because he feared the dynamite laden questions the horny and curious 15 year-olds in his class had for him.” [...]

23. S2 - October 20, 2006

don’t they have those condom dispensing machines in public restrooms in Colombo? can’t believe condoms are locked up in a glass cabinet in pharmacies. WTF ??? wonder where they store the morning after pill.. hehe..

i remember the whole class being asked to write an essay on the pros and cons of sex before marriage in Form 5 @ CIS in the English Lit class.. it was supposed to be some sort of a punishment but i can’t remember what the offense was.. t’was a long time ago..but that really got me thinking abt sex/marriage and the like..

24. Anonymous - October 20, 2006

Well so comes the real question :-), Are the ladies willing to put out

25. Anonymous - October 20, 2006

And the even more bigger question, Is anyone of the ladies ready to pleasure my small cock :-O

26. Anonymous - October 20, 2006

Sorry Guys and Girls, Guess I was in a kinky mood when i typed all that. And did u say something about a short cock………surely a mistake i take it all back :-)

27. J holmes - October 20, 2006

Sophist… I agree with Blacker they do put out… imo SL girls are some of the horniest around and are more willing to experiment although they are a bit reluctant when it comes to anal. They are also more open to the idea of a threesome than other girls…

28. Sophist - October 20, 2006

Blacker machan, they are willing to put out but the effort it takes is just too disproportionate. You have to be committed and exclusive and tellthemyoulovethem and all sorts of shit. Not worth it sometimes.

That being said…I don’t hang out with the Burgher chicks you do..:)

29. Sophist - October 20, 2006

J Holmes give Ravana your number. We have to meet! You, Me, NKR and Ravana.

30. indi.ca » Friday Linkdump - Ganja, Sex, Digg - October 20, 2006

[...] I think you can already do this with current birth control. Apparently the period you get under the normal pill is ‘fake’, there’s no egg to disburse.(to period pill contraception fertility menstruation … saved by 1 other person … 22 hours ago) [...]

31. Colombo Scully - October 20, 2006

hey Curious Yellow, methinks Sri Lankan guys dont know HOW to get down to SEX. you DONT just go up to some chick and say ” mutter ohney oyawa hookee karanna” (even if thats the honest truth)…you start with chochlates ,wine, good Italian Dinner, lots of romantic talk and a thing called foreplay.(and If yuh dont know about that please google and find out.)Sinhala dosnt have a word for “romance” and I bet Tamil doesnt either
Sri Lankan dudes are just too darn stingy,and honest about what they want, so the chicks just get put off before we even get a chance to measure your less obvious assets…

David…I STILL havnt enjoyed a burgher. waaaah.

32. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Sophist, I was talking about the majority Sinhalese girls (obviously where the majority of personal experience is!). And I don’t just mean the Colombo girls. I also disagree that they all want to hear ‘I love you’ first. But again, I guess experiences differ.

Scully, do guys really come upto you and say that? I’m sure some SL guys are like that, but come off it. Not all. Maybe you hang with the wrong crowd.

33. ravana - October 20, 2006

Colombo Scully, that’s excactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. A friend recently had someone knock on the door of her apartment and say, “Madam, I want to sex you.”

Having said that there are plenty of decent, interesting, clued-in guys in Colombo. In my opinion, too few girls of the same description.

34. Sophist - October 20, 2006

Colombo Scully – I agree completely. However, there is a flip side to this. What you described as romance may also wear the familiar gown of ‘gold digging’.

The wining and dining is fine. But the fact remains that sometimes you don’t want to spend that much time and trouble over a girl. My only point is, in other countries, more is available for less. And the quality of the goods and their performance is also better on average. That’s the issue. We could wine, dine and romance. We just can’t be arsed. Some of the time. Just for a shag.

Please note that the analogy to a commodity is purely for the sake of the argument and not to be construed in any misogynistic manner.

35. Sophist - October 20, 2006

Amen Ravana!

36. savi_3 - October 20, 2006

the Muslim guys in colombo would not agree that Sinhalese girls don’t put out :)

most girls i know think that Colombo has a severe shortage of the kinda guys Ravana says there are plenty of.. hmm..

37. foreclosure20 - October 20, 2006

Do you really know about it?

38. T - October 20, 2006

Savi 3.. that’s coz our boys are a safe bet ;) none of the anxiety over taking us home to meet the parents, no worries that we’ll become too attached and we are better looking and better hung than Sinhala boys…

…plus we are awesome in bed (the inside trouser friction gives us way better staying power – I’m sure Sophist would agree).

39. T - October 20, 2006

Savi3 that’s coz we are a safe bet (for the most part). None of the anxiety of having to introduce us to the parents, no worries that we’ll become too attached, we are better looking and better hung than the Sinhala boys.

… plus we are awesome in bed (the inside trouser friction gives us way better staying power – I’m sure Sophist would agree that it does)

Our only real competition are the Burgher boys… but most of the time they are too busy either getting drunk, humping burgher girls or lusting after Jake Orloff (again Sophist would agree)

40. T - October 20, 2006

soz for the double post… damn thing came too soonmust be Sinhala software :)

41. ravana - October 20, 2006

Savi_3, I know. I’ve been told of this complaint. I think the problem is that the market is small, and there are not enough people taking part in it. 

I find a lot of girls uninterested in things I’m interested in. Also, a girl with a really good sense of humour is rare – almost impossible to find, in my opinion. Many of them all wear the same sort of thing (black) and have the same straightened hair and dress to kill even if they are going out for a quiet drink. Many of them are too conforming. It’s mind-numbing.

Sheesh, that came out like a misogynistic disenchanted rant. Sorry. I’ll think I’ll leave it though. Don’t get me wrong, they are plenty of girls I know of who are interesting. Problem is, most of them are married or getting married, and the ones that arent are well established platonic friends, not single, gay, or not in Sri Lanka anymore. 

42. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Ah, yes, Ravana, the single life! You guys sound like you’ve all been watching too much of ‘Sex & the City’.

Sorry if this comes out as a lesson from Seduction 101, but I find that most SL guys (and girls too) are fixated on finding the ‘right one’ — the one with a sense of humour that matches yours, the one that dresses the ‘right’ way, who has the ‘right’ hair. Don’t be so choosy, and realise that probably don’t fit into the ‘right’ slot (pardon the pun) in the ‘right’ person’s view. To add to the immortal words of Joey, women are like ice cream; there are lots of flavours out there. Some are really mind-blowing, some just OK; but they’re all worth trying. Grab a spoon.

43. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Sorry, that should read as “Don’t be choosy, and realise that YOU don’t fit…” etc.

44. ravana - October 20, 2006

David, thanks for the advice, I agree, but you don’t need to stop eating to complain about the food, do you?

I’m just saying, being different is desirable, standing out from the crowd is desirable, and a similar sense of humour is emphatically desirable, and rare, in Sri Lankan girls. That’s all.

45. savi_3 - October 20, 2006

Ravana i know what u mean abt the girls with dead straight hair and the desire to get dolled up even when going to Keells supermarket :) i always felt the guys in Cmb kinda looked the same too..all about the same build with a goatee and similar dress sense..

T i would agree that the Muslim boys are slightly better looking (would Sophist agree?) and the convenience of not having to introduce to parents and offer any committment were the very reasons they went out with the Sinhalese girls.. n’est-ce pas?

46. ravana - October 20, 2006

“All about the same build with a goatee and similar dress sense.”

Ouch.

47. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

“all about the same build with a goatee and similar dress sense..”

That could apply anywhere in the world.

So what’s the scene with Sinhalese guys, ladies? Only good for introducing to the parents? That’s the one major thing I’ve always disliked about most SL girls, the fact that they stay at home til they’re 30 or married (whichever comes first) and you have to seduce their parents at the same time if you want any sort of relationship other than a quick shag.

48. nazreen - October 20, 2006

one reliable source said that hindu tamil men the most erotic and burghers,the sexiest, In bed.

49. Dinidu de Alwis - October 20, 2006

I was told by a buddy to read this post, as sexual rights is my area of passion and work.

Hats off! It’s really pleasing to see a Sri Lankan guy talking of sex (in a non enterntainment sense), and calling for increased sexual education.

Just to state an experience I had about a year ago. I’m representing Sri Lankan for an international organiztion working on sexual rights. I’m also part of one of Sri Lanka’s premier Sexual Health organizations.

We were having a consultative meeting with the top programme managers an planners of the leading organizations, to develop our policy.

The thing that struck me most, was the reluctance by the people who are supposed to be more aware and educated on these issues, the people who are supposed to be “open minded” , to accept the fact that young people of the country are sexually active.

Research shows that over 6% of SCHOOL GOING ADOLESCENTS are sexually active.

Who are we kidding people?

About time we spoke abput sex. About time we incorporated a comperehensive sexual education curiculum to the national education system. About time we spoke about contraception, diseases. About time we accepted that young people, to quote Ravan himself “are doing some serious bonking”.

50. savi_3 - October 20, 2006

Blacker it’s not just the girls in SL who ‘stay at home till they are 30 or married whichever comes first’ all the guys do too. hehe.. another similarity along with the goatee and the same build i guess…

51. Tanya Jansz - October 20, 2006

Why don’t you tell us, David? Are the Sinhalese or the burgher guys better? And if the Sinhalese guys are only good for introducing to your parents, what exactly are the burgher guys good at?

52. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Those are the guys who say ‘I wanna sex you, madam’.

53. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Dunno much about guys, frankly, Tanya.

54. Curious Yellow - October 20, 2006

Whoever it was had a fair point about all the blokes and all the girls being dressed the same, though I reckon sometimes it’s more to do with lack of choice regarding clothing than following the crowd.

For instance, where would you go to buy roads, a rhinestone belt, an t-shirt and skate shoes in SL? Consequently, everyone ends up wearing whatever the fuck is in Odel this season.

The goatee thing I just don’t get though, a lot of us look like goats without having to grow the facial hair anyway. In the west the desire to be non-conformist has become so prevalent that supposed “non-conformists” like punks, goths etc., are just conforming to a different stereotype. We have our own in SL, off the top of my head I could probably name three. The Simbas, the RnB/Hippity hop types and the brand name dudes (will only wear D&G, Versace etc.).

I still don’t know someone whose gone up to a girl and said “mata oyava hukanne oney” or whatever along the lines, these things seem to happen when one least expects them. At least in my experience.

I know people who’ve gone out with “Colombo girls” and had to wait 3 months for a kiss, while I know others who’ve shagged someone on a first date. It seems to have to do more with how much western telly you’ve watched and how much you’re willing to do to keep someone interested more than some generalisation regarding your geographic placement in SL.

At the end of the day lads, men go to the bar hoping, women go to the bar knowing. That shit doesn’t change wherever in the world you may go my brothers! :)

55. Curious Yellow - October 20, 2006

that was supposed to be an “insert-scraggly-haired-british-indie -band-name” t-shirt btw.

56. savi_3 - October 20, 2006

sex is over rated anyway (the boys may not agree) the real challenge for me is to find someone i can have an all round amazing relationship with.. the kind of relationship that is fulfilling on every level not just a sexual/phsyical level.. i really don’t care if he’s got a goatee or not (goatees have their uses) as long as he’s compatible in the relationship sense.. i’m tired of well hung good looking men who don’t know how to function in a relationship :)

57. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

So, Tanya, are you telling me that you find out what Burgher guys are good at?

58. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Or that you wanna find out, rather?

59. Tanya Jansz - October 20, 2006

I pretty much know what the burgher guys are good at. Just wanted to hear your opinion.

60. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

My opinion on Burgher guys, or my opinion on what we’re good at?

61. Tanya Jansz - October 20, 2006

Your opinion on what they’re good at, david.
savi_3, here’s a girl who doesn’t agree with you that sex is over rated. (perhaps the goatees are not working?) But like you said, most girls want an all round amazing relationship.

62. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Well, Tanya, I’d rather show you than tell you.

63. Tanya Jansz - October 20, 2006

well i’ll never turn a burgher down!

64. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

Hey, this is better than walking into R&B and buying a girl a drink!

65. savi_3 - October 20, 2006

sounds like you’ve ‘pulled’ David. congratulations !! i hope she’s a girl and not a bloke pretending to be one.. u know the type (wink)

Tanya actually the goatee trick works everytime, you should try it out :) maybe Blacker has a goatee and will oblige.. ?

66. David Blacker - October 20, 2006

But seriously, Savi, what’s all this ‘relationship’ crap? The topic’s Sex in Sri Lanka, not Marriageable Boys in Colombo. Sure, not all the guys who are good in the sack make good fathers & husbands (same goes for women being wives & mums). But that’s not what we’re talking about, no?

67. Tanya Jansz - October 20, 2006

savi_3, I am very much a girl.
David, as for the topic of sex, I think that if the girls are hesitant when it comes to sex, it is mostly the fault of the guys. It is usually the guys who are the quickest to label a woman as being ‘cheap’ or ‘easy’. As for someone’s comment that it shouldn’t matter what people do, ‘cos it happens behind closed doors, you’d find that most guys blab to others what exactly they did behind closed doors. Naturally the women are reluctant to have this kind of talk about them.
It’s ironc that the guys want the girls to be more open when it comes to sex, yet they’re the first to insult them when they do!

68. David Blacker - October 21, 2006

I agree, Tanya.

Didn’t think ‘girls need to be more open’. Just that girls need to think like girls.

69. gal about colombo - October 21, 2006

Classic sexual schizophrenia from both sexes: Both would like to be more open and free but gals don’t want to be treated disrespectfully or looked down upon, and the men are confused by their simultaneous desire for an angel and a slut. It’s very hard to get past that dynamic sometimes. But the best sex ever is when you do – and you can be absolutely uninhibited and do things in bed that would make a whore blush, but feel safe and confident that your partner has genuine affection and respect for you, so you can still have those post coital moments of just hanging out with each other and talking about music or books or whatever, laughing about life. That’s what a real, well rounded relationship is. that’s just one chick’s point of view. Guys – if you could make it clear to a chick that you are cool about it and not going to judge them, you could get them to do all sorts of things (because deep down inside we are horny devils that really want to try all these things – except maybe anal, because.. well why don’t you shove the end of a cricket bat up your ass and see how it feels!)

Do you think a lot of SL guys are into simpering little girlies though? Women in SL really act like they can’t do anything and the guys perpetuate this by constantly doing things for them (can’t pick up heavy things, can’t go anywhere alone, have to be driven everywhere, limp wristed, puppy dog eyes). There is a fundamental wierdness in the interaction between the sexes here that doesn’t encourage egalitarian behaviour don’t you think? Women are really encouraged to be dependant. Most of the “normal” girls in SL (ones who like being sporty and independent and funny, and are still sexual and take pride in being attractive) always say that they consider themselves to be boyish. But I don’t think they are, by western standards they are pretty normal. Women in SL act like transvestites, not real women. caricatures of femininity. You aren’t going to get a good lay out of that!
ps – the straightened hair, black dress thing is boring, because they are trying to conform to something out of fear of not being liked, they are not being themselves. Don’t think it is a misogynistic statement at all.

70. Anonymous - October 21, 2006

What i see above is simply giberish….After all as some guys commented on top its all abot SEX ……sex beta. So stop talking about what women in SL want and what mean in SL are.

Lets talk about meka kera widyak, i got my short cock up and it needs a to be milked ……… any real women

71. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 21, 2006

Whats this crap….. most women are sluts inside so why are u girls pretending to be angels… we dont want angels we want girls who are easy fucks….Tanya i like ur attitude …..:-)

Awe then comes the next question SL girls have got there pussys on top of there head ………i mean 80% of girls in SL are really nothing much to look at but they act if they are beauty queens sheesh……

Get ur pussys between ur legs girls I need a fuck to cut things in short.

72. insearchoffootball - October 21, 2006

^^^^^^ haha .. you really know how to speak your mind

73. David Blacker - October 21, 2006

Short Cock & Anon are probably the sort of guys most of the ladies have a problem with. And with that attitude, guys, you’ll have to pay cash for your sex. Or listen to Pink.

74. ravana - October 21, 2006

Actually, Anonymous (you shy little dog, you), I think gal about colombo was bang on target when she said:

“There is a fundamental wierdness in the interaction between the sexes here that doesn’t encourage egalitarian behaviour don’t you think? Women are really encouraged to be dependant. Most of the “normal” girls in SL (ones who like being sporty and independent and funny, and are still sexual and take pride in being attractive) always say that they consider themselves to be boyish. But I don’t think they are, by western standards they are pretty normal”

And I disagree with Tanya Jansz when she said:

“I think that if the girls are hesitant when it comes to sex, it is mostly the fault of the guys. It is usually the guys who are the quickest to label a woman as being ‘cheap’ or ‘easy’.”

It is not just the fault of the guys. Why do women in Sri Lanka care so much about the guys’ opinion anyway? It’s because they are dependent, as Gal-in-Colombo said, which is  a quality I find decidedly unattractive (and stressful). The dependence is a feature of SL society and both sexes partake in it. However, change – if it follows the trend in the West – is going to come about only with Women’s Rights activism, writing, and media participation, which must be led by women. In a country where so many women are the breadwinners (estate sector, garment sector, migrant workers), the context is right for women to tell men to go F themselves. And once this is done, I’m sure we’ll see a lot more sexual freedom being expressed because women will focus on their own wants and needs, and not get caught up in some angel-slut want dichotomy taking place in men’s mind. Once more women start being this independent, the angel-slut classification of women that may take place in society will fade. The onus for change, Tanya, is most definitely on the women. 

75. David Blacker - October 21, 2006

Mostly agree with Ravana here. Women need to change thing if they want change. Sitting back and waiting for guys to change isn’t going to work (face it, except for Short Cock and a couple of others, we’re quite happy with things). When women wanted the vote in Victorian England, they had to demand it. If they waited for the men to give it to them, they’d be still waiting. If you (women) want men to stop calling you a slut, show us you like being a slut. We’ll learn to accept and enjoy that fact. Right now, it’s like women are sluts who want to look like angels (don’t take these labels literally), when in reality neither exist — just regular women who like sex.

76. ravana - October 21, 2006

To add to what David said and what I said earlier, a point I forgot to make: very often SL women are as likely, or more likely than men, to use the slut label (maybe not the same exact term) on another woman, and they are more likely than men to exclude her.

77. Tanya Jansz - October 21, 2006

Ravana, I didn’t say that it was solely the fault of the guys, i said it was mostly the fault of the guys. What I meant was that the girls’ hesitation to be themselves would never have been a problem if not for the the guys initially starting to label women this way. However, I do agree with you that the girls are to blame for giving in to this. And that they should fight back.
Agreed, the guys are not the only ones to label women. But like I said, (from my personal experience) they are usually the quickest to do so!

78. Curious Yellow - October 21, 2006

What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch?

The slut shags everyone at the party, the bitch shags everyone at the party except you.

Labelling in SL is usually a case of sour grapes, so why buy into it? I am in completely in agreement with gal in colombo and about what Ravana said about the the context right now is right for women to cast off their sexual shackles (unless you’re into that sort of thing) and begin exploring in SL. It’s high time they grew some cojones and went about getting what they want.

I deffo hope you get some Ravana (being sincere here, and not in a sarky way!).

79. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 21, 2006

Tanya you sweet thing… You know that im never gonna label or blame you for anything honey…I promise. So why don’t we just get together and share our thoughts and perceptions in a personal basis I sure would love that.

And David Blacker ohhhhhhh please dude ….There is nothing special about burgers and as a matter of fact there is nothing special about Irish guys either so cut the sweet talk. At the end of the day what really counts is what are ur personal goals may it be on sex, life or anything at all. And just for your information (Shhhh it’s a secret) I never have paid for sex im too charming for that.

Hold id (no I don’t mean ur cock) Lets us all get back to the topic …Wasn’t it sex in Sri Lanka.

80. David Blacker - October 21, 2006

As I already said, Short Cock, I don’t know much about Burgher guys (or Irish ones for that matter). I’ll leave that to experts like you. Guess you gotta do something if you won’t pay for it ;)

81. M - October 22, 2006

Excellent Ravana. Shame I came to the discussion so late.

We don’t talk about it enough. I mean sex, contraception, pregancy and smelly diseases.

Most Sri Lankan males are ok with unprotected sex. My goodness, they’re finally getting laid, how can you let the lack of a bit of rubber stand in the way? Some make pathetic attempts at finding protection, shrug an at-least-we-tried shrug and plunge right in regardless. The girls are probably no better (but I have no first hand experience)
And these are the perfectly educated, worldly, posh colombo sorts. Perhaps it’s because the pregancies and diseases are hushed up. Perhaps because there are no advertising campiagns. Perhaps we’re just bloody idiots.

And much as I applaude this blog for raising the topic, I think the comments are veering totally off course. Come on people, this is not a dating chatroom. Can’t you talk about sex without using the forum to find some for yourselves?

82. indi.ca » Late Night Kottu - October 22, 2006

[...] Ravana – who is, incidentally, a meatspace friend of mine – has done some interesting posts lately, ranging from Sri Lankan Sex to bits of YouTubing. More than me he actually participates in his comment threads and the discussion there has become very vibrant and (in a superficial sense) large. He’s getting 100 comments semi-regularly, which means his traffic must be high and – more importantly – the content. The funniest is his Military Solution post where he messed up, lost the entire post and accidently posted only the title. To repeat, it was an entirely blank post. It received 156 comments. [...]

83. gal about colombo - October 22, 2006

It works both ways David – some guys are genuinely mentally confused over what they want and DO judge women. Yes, women have to cast off their shackles – I really believe half of it is self induced, but the other half isn’t: the environment makes it hard. Esp in south asian culture that places a lot of emphasis on virtue in women. If guys were honest I’m sure most of them would admit that, deep down inside, questions regarding how many sexual partners a woman has had etc, would influence how they look at/treat them. It’s not insane considering the society we are brought up in. I’ve heard men saying they love innocence in a girl and find it attractive. Looking for the coy, blushing bollywood bride prototype. There is a reason why the women in those films are portrayed the way they are, men clearly like some aspect of that. Many times guys are quite happy to shag anything (let’s face it) but when it comes to dating someone, perhaps they wouldn’t have so much respect/interest in a “slutty” chick.
Maybe this is ok and natural, but it only seems fair if you apply the same standards to yourself that you do to others. E.g. I personally would be wary dating a guy who sleeps with a different girl every week (just thinking about diseases, whether they have problems with fidelity/the way they relate to women) but I don’t sleep with a different guy every week, so I don’t think it is hypocritical. However some guys may sleep around then expect to marry a virgin. It does happen a lot, esp in SL/South Asia, you can’t deny it. Personally I prefer very westernised or even foreign guys as they are less hypocritical in this respect. In terms of the best guys to go for, I’m sorry to say that SL guys would not be my first choice, as much as I love to be faithful to the motherland. Western European guys, esp Dutch and Scandanavian, are awesome and very liberal and cool to have a relationship with. And let’s face it black guys have the best bodies and biggest c**ks….. Oh dear, falling into smuttiness here, but the topic does encourage it!

84. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 22, 2006

Who’s this dickhead who calls himself indi.ca is he atleast a true Sri Lanka … or a kalu sudda who wants to show the world that hes now in some better place.

Well whatever the case may be he should realise this forums about Sex …….yes Sex in SL and not about some mythical animal called ravana not about his silly comments about him.

Idiots should not be allowed to comment on matters they do not understand.

85. Tanya Jansz - October 22, 2006

M – incidentally there have been advertising campaigns on unprotected sex. Award-winning ones at that. But these were to raise awareness on AIDS. Like someone said, sex education should be made a priority in school and should be a compulsary question at the exams to ensure that both teachers and students actually go through the subject in detail. That being said, as you mentioned , there are the colombo based, so-called ‘intelligent’ girls who indulge in unprotected sex, abort the resultant unwanted baby and then go through the whole process again! That is not a lack of education, but sheer carelessness and irresponsibility.
Gal about Colombo – I fully agree with what you say. But to be fair to the guys, there are some amazing SL guys who are neither hypocritical nor narrow-minded, although only a few :-(

86. David Blacker - October 22, 2006

Gal About Colombo — I mostly agree with you. And the part about confused guys is self evident (yes, Short Cock, you ARE the problem, not the solution) from some of the comments here.

Sure, I wouldn’t fault a guy who thinks twice about starting a steady relationship with a girl who sleeps with a different man each week (just as I wouldn’t fault a woman who looked askance at that sort of guy); but I find it hard to empathise with a chap who thinks a woman’s ‘damaged’ because she’s had, say, four sexual partners. His own score notwithstanding.

In the end, Gal, why do you think Western European guys (you didn’t mention what sort of a relationship you preferred them for) are less hypocritical towards sex? Because they don’t have the sexual baggage we do. And for us to shed that baggage, the women are gonna have to say “we don’t want your suitcase, machang, just your heart & your cock”.

Bottom line — I think men & women are equally to blame for the sexual status quo. It’s something that’s developed since the Stone Age, when the men decided that the strongest got the pussy — and the women said “fair enough”. So if the status quo is to change (and women have more to gain by change), women have to say “enough”. That’s the only way things change, by the desire for freedom from the oppressed. As I said, guys won’t change til we have to. And for the average guy, if he goes about it right, even in SL, sex is easily available. Not as easy as for a woman who wants it, but still, easy enough. So we’re happy. Women are generally not so happy with the situ (though many are, with their own sexuality), so change it.

87. aadhavan - October 22, 2006

Women fall into two categories. The entertainers and the nurturers. Enjoy category one and marry category two. The status quo is fine. Just don’t marry the entertainers and you’re sorted. This is a selfish view, not a hypocritical one.

88. David Blacker - October 22, 2006

That’s a pretty blinkered view, Aadhavan. I’ve met several women who easily fall into both categories — and several other categories too.

89. ravana - October 22, 2006

Aadhavan – er, what?! So, then what would you do for entertainment when you DO get married? Extra-marital affair perhaps, following the example of many, if not most, Sri Lankan men? To use your own terms, I think the key is a nurturing entertainer or an entertaining nurturer, although I am not sure which is preferable.

David / Tanya / Gal about Colombo -

I think what David and I are advocating here is a call for what is termed Sex-positive feminism in Sri Lanka. Surely, of the many NGOs we have in this country, some or one of them at least, should be interested in takling up the cause, no?

From wikipedia:

“Sex-positive feminism centers on the idea that sexual freedom is an essential component of women’s freedom. As such, sex-positive feminists oppose legal or social efforts to control sexual activities between consenting adults, whether these efforts are initiated by the government, other feminists, opponents of feminism, or any other institution. They embrace sexual minority groups, endorsing the value of coalition-building with members of groups targeted by sex-negativity. Sex-positive feminism is connected with the sex-positive movement.”

On sex-positivity:

“One definition of sex-positivity, from (Queen, 1997):

Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. “Sex-positive” respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility.[1]“

90. aadhavan - October 22, 2006

I was mistaken. Come to think of it, the problem in Sri Lanka is the fact that there are too many nurturing entertainers and entertaining nurturers. It seems to me that most women are more than keen to entertain, given and only given the condition that they are also allowed to nurture at the same time. I think it’s easy to score here, if you’re willing to give the impression that you’re willing to give an affair. You don’t have to have an affair, just give the impression that you’r open to one, and VOILA…

However, if you think it’s not gentlemanly to try and score while giving the impression that you may be attracted to her as a person, you are left with the option of going for the pure entertainers.

After you’re married, you mutually entertain each other Ravana. Or nurture each others entertainment skills.

91. ravana - October 22, 2006

Yeah, but if she’s not a born entertainer, wouldn’t you get bored after a while? That was my original point.

92. M - October 22, 2006

ravana – I don’t know. Is the need to maintain an angelic reputation really oppression? It’s not that it’s forced on us, women create and propogate myths all by themselves.
We are constantly complaining about Sri Lankan men, but I agree with whomever who said it’s the women at fault.
We are so caught up in maintaining our reputations that we propogate the myth that we don’t want, have and need sex. I know a a dozen sexuality active girls who pretend to be virgins. Why?
Society will change if we just stop the bullshit. It’s easy for the aadhavan’s to think it’s a cut and dry divide, because we act as if it is. Those engaging in normal, healthy sex pretend they don’t.
I think we’ve created the attitude Sri Lankan men have, and a tad bit of honestly might change it.

93. D..oc - October 22, 2006

agree with M’s post but honesty? i wonder if colombo society knows the meaning of the word :) everytime i return to SL it amazes me how fake and superficial and full of shit ppl are in Colombo.. they thrive on keeping up appearances and hypocrisy.. don’t they?

94. David Blacker - October 22, 2006

“I was mistaken. Come to think of it, the problem in Sri Lanka is the fact that there are too many nurturing entertainers and entertaining nurturers. ”

I think you’re one of Gal About Colombo’s confused people, Aadhavan. First you say that there are two categories, then you say that too many people belong to both categories. I think the sooner men accept that there are no real categories, and that you can’t label women, the sooner we’ll get laid.

95. gal about colombo - October 22, 2006

M – I do think women don’t help themselves, but they have to face idiots like Aadhavan and they KNOW that the best bet is to hold onto your virgin image otherwise men will see you in the (to borrow a phrase) “entertainment” category and won’t want to be with you in the long term. Some women go out on a limb, but which ones are they? Educated, financially independent ones with accepting families who don’t feel like they need to have a man. But the less confident ones who see getting married, settling down and the need to be accepted by mother-in-law, bitchy neighbour and the housewives at the swimming club as where life is heading don’t have the framework in which to take control of their sexuality. Too scared it’s not going to work out to their advantage in the long run. Colombo society is bitchy, small minded and the “aunties” monitor everything that goes on. Also women are judged by their families as well as their peers. In South Asia, guys can be excused for being promiscuous – your mother will still see you as her little darling no matter how many prostitutes you bang on a saturday night – but not women. When you are brought up being told by your mother/father that bad girls are dirty/bad/no one will respect them, it is hard to just jump up and shake that baggage off. Esp when you realise people you love and care about (e.g. family) may look down upon you for the way you act. Even I am wary about what the family find out. I’ve been to uni abroad though, so that’s allowed me to develop in a space where I’m not constantly monitored and where I’ve been around people who haven’t judged me.

David, just as women go for the alpha male you have to admit that a lot of men are demanding this virginal crap and (why do you think genital mutilation was invented, if that’s not an extreme example of society wanting to control female sexuality, I don’t know what is). So many guys have a “it’s great to play around with slutty girls but you don’t want one bringing up your kids, and you certainliy don’t want your daughter acting like that.” A lot of S Asian men/SL men DO think like that. The enlightened ones (and there are really cool SL men out there, I know) are a bit of a minority I fear.

96. David Blacker - October 22, 2006

Gal, you are preaching to the converted — I DID say I agreed with you already.

But in the end, women have to demand change for it to happen. And I don’t mean you, but ALL women, or at least the majority. Sexually liberated women are a tiny minority of Colombo women, who are they themselves a tiny minority of SL women. If you want the majority of men to change, the majority of women have also got to change their own attitudes first.

97. aadhavan - October 22, 2006

Blacker, I’m thinking my way through this, and i haven’t been the paragon of consistency, but that’s because the theory has not been cohesive. Let me try and put it all together. Most women in SL want to be nurturers, but are willing to engage in a little “entertaining” to be able to wriggle into a position where they are able to nurture the best brood. If a guy is at peace with the idea of giving the bird the impression that he will let the woman nurture him and his offspring, merely in order to score, that’s fine. He will score heavily.

Those who aren’t willing to take advantage of the desperation to nurture, are forced to go for the “hardcore entertainers” for fun related activity, and the proper nurturers for family related ones.

Blacker, getting laid has got nothing to do with acknowledging that women cannot be boxed into categories, it’s not that intellectual and cerebral no…

Galincolombo, I hope you have the very best of luck as you go your merry way. If you think I’m an idiot, that’s fine with me. I have no problem with you.

98. Alter Ego - October 22, 2006

Agree with Gal in Colombo mostly and also with the point that Blacker makes. For all women to change though, there have to be a few who lead the way. A few who come out in society, in the media, and say “This is who I am, I like it, F-you if you don’t.” The change of attitudes in the West came about as a result of a few people taking the lead. Sure they were criticized, but now they are celebrated.

Also, a point that might be relevant here is that you get shame cultures and you get guilt cultures. Sri Lanka is a shame culture. What is wrong depends on what other people think, and whether you feel shamed by the act. I think these two things are interdependent. If you refuse to feel shamed by the act, it ceases to be wrong anymore in the eyes of society.

And gal-in-colombo, I doubt my mum would see me as her little darling if I was to bang any prostitutes on Saturday night, let alone one. I think the pressure to conform to societal norms is something both sexes feel, but I accept that the idea of “the right behaviour for a girl” is more confining, and offers less freedom.

SMOKE SIGNALS
Incidentally, I have a little rule-of-thumb that I have developed from observation, which I think I’d want to share, to see whether you lot agree. If a girl smokes, I presume her to be more of a rebel and someone who is willing to go against society’s norms and/or parental norms, and that generally helps you to identify the interesting ones straight off. I am not saying that smoking is a desirable quality, nor that non-smokers are not interesting, it’s just that smoking is a signal that here is a girl who doesn’t conform in a particular way, and chances are, she’s also likely to have an independent mind in other matters as well. The rule can be applied across crowded rooms, even before meeting the person. It’s not so much a method to separate the wheat from the chaff, as a method to fine tune your targetting, based on probability that there is more chance of getting good wheat in the smokers pile than the non-smokers pile. Doesn’t mean you’ll like the person, just that it shows some degree of non-conformity of mind. Quite a no-brainer really.

99. David Blacker - October 22, 2006

Not when smoking now seems to be fashionably rebellious. Yes, it’s an easy way to spot a rebel or a wanna-be rebel. Tattoos & piercins used to be a way too, but not anymore. Too common again But there are better and more decisive ways, if you care to invest some time in it.

100. ravana - October 22, 2006

Care to share, David?

101. David Blacker - October 22, 2006

Gonna be back in SL in two weeks. A beer at R&B?

102. ravana - October 22, 2006

Definitely. I was sorry to have missed you last time around. I wanted to make it to the Barefoot thing but couldn’t. Are we going to see a first hand demonstration of the lost art of the Burgher?

103. David Blacker - October 23, 2006

Depends. Seems my charms only work on Tanya.

104. Sophist - October 23, 2006

Aiyooo…go away for one dirty weekend…superb way to start Monday. Hee hee.

Blacker you’re a hog. Given that the Janz is probably the last of the MoreHitOns, I think a communal spirit needs to be nurtured. After all that’s the liberal culture we’ve been advocating here is it not? You’ll be able to pick up that copy when you’re here too, although the editors draconially cut it.

Gal in Colombo I suggest you join us for this drink. Your ideas are refreshing.

I think most of the problem with the whole Colombo men/women laying the blame at each other’s doorstep is not exactly a conscious one it’s just one of circumstance. In the west people hardly know each other. It was possible for me to walk into the same bar in the west on different days of the weekn and not see more than one or two people I’d seen before. Let alone know them, and their family history. It’s much easier to be sexually free in a society that won’t judge you – merely because it doesn’t know you.

Here on the other hand, you walk into a bar and you meet the same people day in day out. And I maybe strange, but I don’t want to be shagging the same girl Ravana was the week before and Blacker will the week after. It’s just one of those THINGS. Given that our tastes are likely to veer in the same direction the chances of things like that happening are very high. It’s just limited resources.

There’s no actual problem in the sense that I could have got laid in University in Colombo as easily as I could have in London. The fact is I didn’t want to run the risk of stubble that was maybe a few days too old and cotton panties. The supply is there – the goods are not of decent quality.

With the goods of decent quality (e.g. – TJ to illustrate a point), I went to school and uni with her sister, who doesn’t like me very much, was in the same batch as her sister’s boyfriend, am mates (now) with the bugger who’s blatantly hitting on her on this blog (and seems to have cyberpulled), probably know well people she works with…and the list goes on. It’s difficult to have NSA when all those S’s come A’d.

Any liberality in this society will have to border incest. And that’s always wrong.

105. Colombo Scully - October 23, 2006

Dang! I turn my back for a weekend and someone has moved in on David.Tanya! back off, beeetch.I wus here FUST!

106. ravana - October 23, 2006

Jees, no wonder you’re coming back so soon, David.

107. David Blacker - October 23, 2006

Sophist, the real prob, dude, is that you are going to the same bar too often. And that’s a big problem for all singles in SL. We concentrate on the same ol’ R&B-Clancy’s-InnontheGreen-Barefoot-type circuit. There are many and diverse hunting grounds in SL. Just go down to Hikks in the season, and you don’t even have to worry about SL women. Spend a few weekends in Kandy, Kurunegala, or wherever. Broaden your horizons, look around — the country’s full of single women, and lots are getting laid. You can still cut the select prey out of the herd without getting tangled in the cotton panties. But you have to recognise that there’s a big herd out there, and a lot more possible prey. To take a another parallel — if your target market’ small, your gains are also going to be proportionately smaller.

108. Colombo Scully - October 23, 2006

….and you other guys are welcome to “dig gold” with me anytime. I LIKE being wined and dined and hearing transparent compliments on my excellent dimensions etcetera. and ef you cant be bothered with that comparatively small investment then puhlees dont complain that you dont get any, and feel self pitied that you have to pay good money for it. (I hear a good Russian is like, 10,000 a night. Thai is cheaper but they SPEAK funny and getting married is MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE and involves irritating checkup calls)- so what will it be?
Ladies, at end of the day , we have all the trumph cards in Colombo, as what we provide is a rare good thing….and now yuh know why I wont ever leave Colombo for anything.So much multi ethnic choice…

ps Tanya you know I wus kidding right :-) I would never dream of squabbling over a guy, there are just so many to chose from in Colombo, I dunno where to start.whopee.

109. Sophist - October 23, 2006

Colombo Scally I’d wine you and dine if you there was an ROI. The problem with many women is that they’re not a safe investment.

110. j.holmes - October 23, 2006

SL women have and always will put out, it need not take time nor a significant financial commitment to get some… if it does it only means you’re going about it wrong (that is assuming that all you want is a shag). Women are clear about what they want if only you know how to read the signs as societal and cultural norms dictate (sadly) that Asian women should refrain from overtly expressing their sexuality (blinding flash of the obvious I know). SL women in particular are some of the most sexual beings going, they know what they want (most of the time) but most often are afraid to ask but if you know what to look for and read the signals right you’ll never have a problem of getting laid here.

One of the ways in succesfully bedding an SL girl is to simply be open about what she should expect. If you’re not ready to commit or frankly don’t want to never give the impression that you are going to, if at all such a measure increases the time it takes to do the deed as she will be testing your commitment levels. At the same time you have to treat them with respect, make them laugh and do your best to fuck them well (when you get the chance). Treating her with respect and making her laugh is your sure fire bet for repeat business and/or fantastic referals. (By respect I mean not calling her a slag after wards and basically treating her as an equal with wants and needs as important as your own)

All the other trimmings (cinema, dining, bars/clubbing) are all superflous activities and frankly are tired. If you let them know where they stand and they are comfortable with it (and trust me there are plenty of quality girls in SL who are comfortable with such relationships) you have a much better chance of getting what you want. Frankly SL women make some of the best shags and for the most part are enthusiastic, sensual, exciting lovers and are always willing to please…

Just my understanding/experience – I’m sure most of you guys have your own methods.

111. Wenu - October 23, 2006

Ravana.. interesting post.

(On a humurous note) I came across a funny quote the other day on ‘sex and seduction’, thought you might enjoy it too:

“But seducing someone into sex isnt making them do what they dont want to do. Is it enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already!”

112. David Blacker - October 23, 2006

Another reason for the strained and strange relationship men have with women in SL is also because of male insecurity. A heck of a lot of SL men have had very little sexual experience, and therefore don’t have a lot of confidence in their abilities (in spite of pretending they do, like Short Cock). This is only made worse by comments like Scully’s about white men being better at it and black men having bigger dicks, etc. So most SL men doubt that they’d have the capabilities to keep an experienced woman happy in bed. So instead, they try to get some experience of their own on these sports models, while plumping for a virgin as a wife, who hopefully won’t know better. They then in turn moan on about how they wish SL women were like white women who like a good shag. So it’s a vicious cycle.

Holmes confirms what I’ve been saying all along. There are plenty of willing SL women out there, and quite a lot of them (not all) are good shags.

In the end, guys & gals both, you only get what you are willing to put in (pardon the double entendre).

113. ravana - October 23, 2006

Erm…, the way that Colombo Scully puts forward this wine and dine in return for sex business is very off-putting. It’s little short of prostitution, and if I perceive this type of mindset (where preconditions of give and take seem to exist) in somebody I’m immediately put off.

“Wining and dining” is something both parties enjoy, and so is sex (or at least, they should, if they are well-adjusted human beings). While I have no problem with picking up the bill, I don’t want to do it ALL the time. It’s nice when a girl at least offers, because it shows independence. And independence is a very attractive quality.

UPDATE: To clarify what I’m saying: nobody likes to feel used.

114. dodgeball - October 23, 2006

If you want freaky sex with a Lankan chick just hang around the AOG church… Those girls are so fucking repressed they’re just gagging for someone to come along and ‘liberate’ them. They seriously get off on ‘sinning’

Just remember to bugger off before the guilt sets in… :)

115. Colombo Scully - October 23, 2006

David where did I EVER say that white men were better? Where?
most Sri Lankan men are gorgeous in bed, (and I like them brown.) Im serious! except for the croaky smokers who ehem absolutely in line with popular theory , just cant get their tobacco laden equipment to function…
and Ravana ,- tell me why prostitution is so off putting ? just as a matter of interest. is it a admission of male defeat ? whats wrong with paying for sex? you pay for other nice things in life dont ya? and if it so happens that demand is larger than supply according to the free market theory wont it be logical to end up paying for this?
what would the world be like if not for prostitutes? they are always being treated like shit but isnt it time someone recognised their value ? like the Indians of old did? it was actually a lovely art, women spent years perfecting it ! something like physiotherapy but slightly more personal… so why do people look down on them?

116. aljuhara - October 23, 2006

WOW. you have 115 coments,that must be some sort of record,ravana! and I hate to say this but some one from say China or Germany or anywhere else in the world, reading this blog will probably be forced to conclude that we are a really desperate bunch of bloggers in SL ,which is of course absolutely true.
congrats on the successful debate!
however I think the topic was originally “safe sex” and I get the feeling we are still a long way away from that , thanks to attitudes that a few SL bloggers are not going to be able to change.
Also there is a serious problem with child abuse in this country (sometimes within families) which should be addressed. So while we try our prudish best to control and protect our children, there will still be perverts and sickos out there who try to catch them and use them and that seems to only be getting worse. I wont go into why and where, but it worries me.

117. ravana - October 23, 2006

Er… prostitution is not off putting in itself, Colombo Scully. You are right that if we let the free market operate both prostitutes and their clients can maximise their utility according to their personal preferences and then everybody would be better off, as long as their was regulation to maintain health standards in the industry and prevent the spread of disease.

However, I don’t want to feel that the person I’m out to dinner with is like a prostitute – for F’s sake – sex-in-exchange-for-a-meal?!!!! This ain’t sub-saharan Africa honey, and even men sometimes need the mood and context to be right in order not to get completetely turned off!

The thing is, with prostitution, you know what you’re getting up front. It’s different with a date, no? (I can’t believe I’m actually having to explain this). There’s the unknown, there’s a tension build, there’s a dance of personalities going on, amid heightened senses. Chemically, it’s a dopamine, phenylethylamine (PEA), adrenalin rush. That high is as good as what comes after (no pun intended), and I doubt you could ever replace that with prostitution.

118. Colombo Scully - October 23, 2006

well..then I think you should say that whereas YOU have nothing against prostitutes , you personally dont want to go out with one. Thats a matter of choice of course. All Im saying is not to malign them.
speaking for myself- I mentioned words like romance and seduction and foreplay and the odd chochlate or bunch of roses thrown in is part of that .untill such time as guys can understand that , well ,they will keep on saying they arent getting any.
I mean , apart from showing a girl that you like her, pampering her a bit and throwing out a compliment or two (no matter how bogus) ,Id like to know exactly how you ARE going to get her into bed?
oh wait a minute – I heard of ONE way.
its called marriage….:-)

119. ravana - October 23, 2006

I said I like the wining and dining, I just don’t want to feel I’m being used when I’m on a date, that’s all. If I was going out on a date and she was of the mindset that came across on your comment that started this whole thing off, I would definitely feel used. And that’s not a very sexy feeling.

Although, I’m all for it, wining and dining is not a necessary precondition. Charm and confidence, I think, helps a lot more. Just ask David. 

And where on earth did you get this idea that it’s only the guys that want it anyway? If you want it, do it, otherwise get out of the way and let him have better luck next time with someone who’s not playing games. 

Personally, I can’t be arsed with this whole chasing thing. I never understood it. I’d only do the chasing if I was strongly attracted to someone, and that rules out anyone who is petty minded enough to want wining and dining as an absolute necessity.

:-P 

120. Tanya - October 23, 2006

Colombo Scully – i think you are ignoring the whole ‘physical’ side of things. It goes against everything that’s been said here that girls are essentially very interested in sex. And that the biggest problem with openly doing so, is the resultant gossip and labelling.
I, for one, would not be swayed into doing anything, not even a date, simply ‘cos some guy were to give me flowers and/ or chocolates. And to me, bogus compliments are the biggest turn off over. They’re freely available and downright annoying when you realise they are bogus. I agree with Ravana when he said that chemistry playes a big part in the whole thing.
And i really don’t think marriage is the only other option. Why not check with the guys – did you’ll really have to either do any of the above or get married simply to get a girl into bed?

121. David Blacker - October 23, 2006

Sorry, Scully, mixed you up with Gal About Colombo. However, I do find your trade-based dating system to be a bit wierd, though it probably makes things easier. However, with a prostitute payment guarantees you sex; flowers, chocs & compliments don’t guarantee you anything. Are you saying that all I have to do is buy u wine & chocs and I’m in like Flynn? Surely not. How ’bout because you like me? I think any guy would prefer that.

Reminds me of the famous quote:

“We talk to women so that they’ll have sex with us; women have sex with us so that we’ll talk to them.”

122. David Blacker - October 23, 2006

And when I said “All I have to do…” I meant it hypothetically.

123. ravana - October 23, 2006

Oh… I’m glad you sorted THAT out.

124. ravana - October 23, 2006

“Why not check with the guys – did you’ll really have to either do any of the above or get married simply to get a girl into bed?”

No. And by most accounts, it’s not like the guys are the only ones doing the getting people into bed thing here either. Most often it’s mutual (i.e. equal enthusiasm), and sometimes, it’s the women doing the seducing.

125. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 24, 2006

Hey scully it’s very disturbing to know there are women like u in SL, The only good thing is u don’t represent the majority. I mean are u a hooker by profession or a slut.

Well whatever the case im not going to buy u nothing for sucking on my short cock.

126. SW - October 24, 2006

why are men so obsessed with the words hooker and slut ??

127. zbili - October 24, 2006

Hm, I should have arranged my grammar better (lizbara, 1st comment) and perhaps checked in again within the last week.

Thanks for the corrections, ghostwriter and DB. I am aware that postinor-9 is available over the counter in Sri Lanka, and I think it’s great.

My point was simply that despite enormous advances in rhetoric, awareness and law in America – where I am now – the morning-after pill is NOT available HERE without a whole rigmarole. This is down to both our awful healthcare system, and to religious-conservatives who can use that system to deny women control of our own bodies. And THAT is fucked.

128. Ru - October 24, 2006

Even the most liberated individuals have the most bizarre hangups about sex; after all it’s the first essentially self-evolving, private, physical experience you have after being potty-trained. In my experience, the chaps who want to experience that level of un-inhibitedness eventually go a little haywire and realize that they do want to marry their mothers after all (“… but whilst you’re down there love, just one last time”).

129. Colombo Scully - October 24, 2006

I reiterate : apart from showing a girl that you like her, pampering her a bit and throwing out a compliment or two how you ARE going to get her into bed?In practice I mean.

David.aw, do you mean to say that everytime a guy DOES get us choclate and flowers we are expected to spread,out ? or else we are fidgid prickteases ? this reminds me of what happend to One Girl I know, this posh guy in a fancy sports car took her out to some pricey joint “for Coffee” and then forced himself on her in the carpark-and she wasnt in the mood- and he said “well you came out in my car didnt you ?” which implies that if you accept even a lift from a guy you owe him….is this how guys think in SL? then how can we be blamed for thinking back the other way?

Tanya I totally agree with you about labelling – havnt we got lots of examples in this post itself from the guys, starting with “pricktease” “slut” “bitch” etc and ending with looking down on prostitution. For the record Im not a “hooker”, if I was I dare say Id be a LOT richer than I am. Neither am I a slut (above defined as someone who shags everyone) but I do enjoy sex as much as any normal healthy female does, and I like being romanced and pampered in the process (those are my terms,accept them or fuck off) plus I do my share of pampering though it isnt necessarily material. Having read all of this ,I think I shall bow out now and get to work on my own website beause I know youve all been looking forward to that :-), it has been most interesting being here, and good luck with the getting laid , all you Colombo Ladies and ‘Gentle’men.

130. Tanya - October 24, 2006

Colombo Scully, I think what dave was trying to say is that a guy would not be able to get a girl into bed simply by wooing her with flowers and chocolates. Those are usually reserved for when you are in love. Guys tend to do that when they are either in a relationship or persuading a girl to get into a relationship with them.
I’m still confused with what you’re saying. If it was a situation devoid of love ( a so-called no strings) would you be happy sleeping with a guy who’s physically unattractive to you, simply ‘cos he bought you flowers and took you to a fancy restaurant? I think most of the girls would not go along with that!

131. ravana - October 24, 2006

Yeah, I’m confused about what Colombo Scully is saying as well. I think there’s been some miscommunication. Anyway, her site should be interesting, I’m looking forward to it. I think it’s about time someone created a blog or google group entirely on this topic for this type of discussion. Only, I think it should be Moju-type as well, where multiple bloggers can post on it. Only it will have to be regulated strictly with anybody overstepping the boundaries of offensiveness being immediately ejected.

132. David Blacker - October 24, 2006

“apart from showing a girl that you like her, pampering her a bit and throwing out a compliment or two how you ARE going to get her into bed?In practice I mean”

Well, there are many ways to show a girl one likes her, Scully, and these might or might not include flowers &/or compliments. If the latter is the ONLY technique you’ve experienced, you’ve certainly missed out. In the end, the flowers, etc are just clues to whether a guy likes a girl or not, what gets a girl into bed with me is whether SHE likes ME or not. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I still get the impression that all it’ll take to get you to like a guy, Scully, is flowers & chocs.

“David.aw, do you mean to say that everytime a guy DOES get us choclate and flowers we are expected to spread,out ? or else we are fidgid prickteases ?”

Not at all, and I never said so, Scully. It was YOU who compared paying a prostitute to buying a girl flowers. And why are you using words like ‘frigid’ and ‘pricktease’? I never called you that. I think you need to sort out your own hangups first, lady, and get that cock-sized chip off your shoulder.

“is this how guys think in SL? then how can we be blamed for thinking back the other way?”

And I never aportioned blame on either sex. My point is that BOTH sides are to blame, and the sooner we recognise that fact and stop falling back on the comfortable “men are pigs” and “women are sluts” the quicker we’ll all get what we want.

I still maintain that women have more to gain by a change in the status quo, and therefore the onus is on them to fight for change.

“I think what dave was trying to say is that a guy would not be able to get a girl into bed simply by wooing her with flowers and chocolates.”

Not exactly, Tanya. You must admit that there ARE women who can be wooed into bed like that (maybe Scully is one, I don’t know). What I meant was that flowers, etc, are not a price we’re paying for sex. Neither is a car ride or dinner or whatever. SOME women give the impression that that’s all it takes (again, like Scully), and a lot of idiotic guys think ALL women are the same.

133. Tanya - October 24, 2006

I don’t agree with the fact that the onus to change lies solely on the girls dave. I think both the girls and guys stand to gain equally by a change in attitude. The girls stand to gain, in being able to do whatever they want without the worry of being labelled. And the guys, in having girls who are more open to sex ‘cos of it. The guys have been cribbing quite a bit about how they can’t get a girl into bed easily, so a little help from you guys would benefit you’ll too in the end!
Also, i think it’s really sad that a girl can be seduced into going to bed with someone ‘cos of a bunch of flowers and compliments! (Despite now being told that it does happen). If you go to bed with someone ‘cos of the sheer chemistry between the two of you, you’ll find that things really ‘rock’!

134. Sophist - October 24, 2006

I think Ravana’s point (and Tanya’s) which I echo with applause is…would a girl put out for a bloke just because he wined, dined and romanced her. If she would Colombo Scally, I’d like to know how widespread that school of thought is.

Ravana emphasises my previous argument in a different context. The girls he would be attracted to are the ones who would shag you even if you didn’t buy them dinner, the ones who wouldn’t place a disproportionate value on the actual dinner and the ones who are interesting enough not to be swayed by obviously bogus compliments.

My earlier point was that those very same girls are so few and so far between that they’re probably our sisters or our girlfriends or summat. Hence the problem.

So he’s ‘Dave’ now eh? Blacker if she’s calls you ‘Super Dave’ in a couple of weeks time I’m going to do your head in out of pure jealousy…:)

135. Sophist - October 24, 2006

And yes Blacker I agree that a lot of the problems stem from male insecurity about sex. Organ size and performance. This is why several men want virgins so they have no points of reference.

But women one word of advice, if your lovers have been better than your currents – don’t tell him that. Lie goddam it, lie!!

136. Colombo Scully - October 24, 2006

hmmm…looks like I have this reputation all worked out for me, ahead of my blog …ok,guys,you are going to have to figure out if Im a total nympho (and this word I actually like – it sounds fashionable and rather healthy) or just a selective bitch (above defined as someone who shags everyone except you in this case because you forgot the flowers…) I see a lot of combined hostility/disapproval from the guys AND the gals which in off line life would be rather daunting but Im willing to shoulder it, on line and incognito(well until someone blows my cover)..anyway I put it to you that you have all totally misunderstood me.Could be I need a bit of neuro lingusitic programming to get my idea across, maybe I will be able to on my blog….:-)
all Im trying to say is considering the pain and effort and probable loss of reputation I put into actually making something happen, its dissappointing when its taken for granted, day after day .
there is a mentality out there that if she likes it you dont have to bother being polite to her, the common civilities are forgotton. there are blokes who phone me up to say “hey i have a few hours to spare ,shall we shag?” but they would not call me if there was a tsunami or a bomb explosion to check if I was alive.
SO I just move on, and then they feel somhow cheated, and tell nasty things about me to their circle

Like David said – Its probably the crowd I hang out with .

just for a clarification – its mostly the english speaking, fast car driving elite Colombo buggars who are like this. The traditional hunks I have been with ,including one or two mafia types,”bus pick ups” and shady kinds who cant speak English have treated me with the utmost respect. Odd considering !

137. Sophist - October 24, 2006

Scally I find it rather ironic that you can call them ‘mafia types’ ‘bus pick ups’ and ‘shady kinds who can’t speak English’ and then commend THEM for showing you the utmost respect.

Sigh…women.

138. David Blacker - October 24, 2006

“its mostly the english speaking, fast car driving elite Colombo buggars who are like this”

That’s another point (and Sophist, you should take note) — Colombo’s a city of a million people (if you don’t count the suburbs) — that’s the size of Cologne! — and we have a pickup circle of about five pubs & clubs. What do you expect, other than incest? We live in SL, but we want to score with a London-style technique? Never gonna happen. If you want SL girls (or guys), figure out where they are and how to get ‘em.

“I think both the girls and guys stand to gain equally by a change in attitude. The girls stand to gain, in being able to do whatever they want without the worry of being labelled. And the guys, in having girls who are more open to sex ‘cos of it.”

Not quite, babe. Most guys are NOT really OK with girls who are more open to sex. If you read most of the male comments here (and this is still not representative of SL males overall), they just want SOME girls to be open to it so that they can get laid on a Saturday night. They still want all the other ‘normal’ women (wives, potential wives, mothers, sisters, etc) to remain as they are. And that’s the crux of the matter — if you want the general male population to change their attitude to the general female population, the latter has to demand change. If not, what’s the big deal? Girls like you will get what they want, and so will guys like me — but that’s not what we’re talking about, no? We’re talking about sex in SL, and that’s much bigger than you & me.

139. ravana - October 24, 2006

You know what, Blacker? I think if our potential wives and sisters had received sex education in school, I don’t think we’d have as much a problem with it. Somehow, receiveing sex ed seems to paint it okay – “Ah, we got taught this in school… it can’t be a bad thing. Let’s check it out immediately after the candle-under-the-glass oxygen experiment!”

140. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 24, 2006

All I can conclude from all this is that Scully your blog aint nothing but a porno site, no girl wants to be called a nympho im sure.

Well Scully what i feel is your underlying motive for all this sexual talk is to get more customers into your “Gon” spot. If that’s the deal I think its working.

Well let me know where it is so that I can personally come and bitch slap you.

141. Fighting Shy - October 24, 2006

just what do you people really want? lots of liberal wild sex for the sake of sex with no meaning in it ? People singing, drinking and screwing away in gay abandon like in Africa(where AIDS has reached one in three of the population) ? I mean I used to think that I was quite non-conformist but this idea that we should be humping all over the place is a bit of a surprise. is that what SL really needs? How would married people be supposed to handle the new liberal attitude? and wheras you would like to marry a woman who is somewhat experianced ,would you like it if she told you she had had say ten or twenty or countless experiances, and doesnt intend to stop experimenting? Im curious.
Mind you Im not against sexual happiness, its just that too much of a good thing may be just as bad, dont you think?

142. Colombo Scully - October 24, 2006

and what is wrong with porn, may I ask? Hands up you lankans who have never seen a porn site? Thats just another of those local hangups. Im telling you guys ,tasteful porn,providing its not on totally unethical subjects like children and mutilation- is good for you.Trust me.
and as for me giving out my site – why would I ? wheres the element of mystery in that ?Finesse is the trick! Its up, its running, how about you search for it…thats right: Good things no cheap.

143. zbili - October 24, 2006

Suggestion for an intro to romance / sex ed at school age: have the teenagers watch the movie “Dirty Dancing” in addition to learning about the biology and er architecture aspects of sex. If you haven’t seen DD, ask most any female between oh about 20 and 35. She may not admit it, but will have seen it, and may swoon at the mere mention.

Basically it’s the best coming-of-age, i.e. learning about love and sex, movie EVER. The main character falls in love and has to stand up for it to her family; another one falls for the wrong dude and ends up at the mercy of a quack abortionist. The point I get out of it is: this could happen, that could happen, so don’t be stupid, and don’t take it too lightly, but seek joy. It’s romantic, but realistic. Ideally the young ought to get a benefit from Loku Nanda and Sybil Aunty’s experiences of heartbreak and/or true love when they were younger, but unfortunately “respectability” is tied up with displaying sexual naivete or repulsion. Victorian indeed.

And to take it on a left turn, have recently been reading a bit of Freud, who was as repressed and obsessed as they come but had some good ideas. Among them, that sex and violence are connected as human impulses. He thought they were connected because they’re both (in the parlance of his times) dark and dirty and bad, but I think the connection is simply that they are forbidden, and thus do indeed feed off each other. Hence domestic abuse, rape, kaisippu den fights… war? Not sure if it can be so tightly connected, but I think there’s a connection between repression and spasmic destruction.

As humans, we are lucky enough to be able to consciously enjoy sex if we want to, from anticipation to afterglow. But like Ravana said, if normal sex is not accepted, then pleasure and perversion get lumped into the same dark bin, and we end up with a smirking, pinching, ultra-genderized image of the whole business. That Victorian attitude is one of the more evident manifestations of ongoing “gifts” from the British et al colonizations.

144. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 24, 2006

I wont bother to search for a brown ass whore …..Sorry i got better choice.

145. David Blacker - October 24, 2006

Er… how d’you know she’s brown, Short Cock — or even Sri Lankan?

146. ravana - October 25, 2006

zbili-

Mostly agree. Not sure whether I agree that sexual repression spills over into non-sexual violence though. Freud was wrong about a number of things, I’ve heard, and this might be one of them. However, Sri Lanka is on the whole a sexually repressed, violent society, despite many attempts on the part of nationalists and the clergy to portray Sri Lanka as a pure society in danger of corruption by the West. The truth is the need to keep up appearances in line with this idea of unrealistic and unnattainable piety, is what is causing the repression and the resulting rot in the first place.

Love your phrase “from anticipation to afterglow”, by the way.

Colombo Scully -

You said:

“There is a mentality out there that if she likes it you dont have to bother being polite to her, the common civilities are forgotton. there are blokes who phone me up to say “hey i have a few hours to spare ,shall we shag?” but they would not call me if there was a tsunami or a bomb explosion to check if I was alive.”

Perhaps I finally understand where you’re coming from. Basically, what the flowers and the chocolates and the wining and dining really signify to you is respect, consideration, perhaps even some degree of caring, or maybe just plain decency. Am I right?

147. Colombo Scully - October 25, 2006

Finally! someone understands me! Thank you,Ravana. Thats exactly what I mean. ….a friend of mine said a guy brought her a bunch of kuppamania (cat nip), you know holding it behind his back like it was roses and presenting it with a flourish. …she said she so totally touched by this…..since she had been whining to him that her cat was sick and he had taken a moment to think about her seriously.

Plain decency is lacking in Colombo.

The way to a womans pants is through her HEART and till you figure that out ,dear gentle SL guys, you are going to have to resort to DIY manuals and the neighbourhood goat, or if you can afford it , expensive imported service.Enjoy!

148. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 25, 2006

Omg …. Are we like pity fucks here.. is that the way u see men Scully. You know what bitch u have no right at all to comment on this topic because your a fucking whore.

And let me tell you one thing “expensive imported service” is much better than ur skinny brown ass, At lease they look sexy as hell and know what the fuck they are doing.

149. Colombo Scully - October 25, 2006

goodness, thats extreme. when did you last get laid? its begining to tell. Like i said Im not a whore, prefer the word nympho which reminds you of sylph or siren . My friendly attention is totally free of charge but only for guys I like (decent blokes who show they care) The Army ,Navy and STF get special privilages due to the current situation. and please: no one under 18.

150. Sophist - October 25, 2006

Short cock you’re doing wonders for the import based economy. Well done son.

Scally, I think in retrospect I might phrase it this way. Taking someone out to dinner and buying them flowers isn’t the only way to show respect and consideration. If it is, then clearly the materialism attached to that line of thinking is a turn off from the outset.

Equality is the sincerest form of respect and it doesn’t necessarily have to manifest itself in roses and red wine.

Your take on the respect thing perpetuates the myth that women have been trying to break free of for decades.

151. Colombo Scully - October 25, 2006

Dissapointing news: I checked in Wiki and I cant be defined as a nympho, bcos
“Sex drive varies widely in humans, and what one person would consider a “normal” sex drive might be considered excessive by some and low by others. The consensus among those who consider this (hypersexuality) as a disorder is that the threshold is met when the behavior causes distress or impaired social functioning.”

since I am neither distressed nor socially impaired, but having a general ball of a time in Colombo, I shall just call myself that friendly neighbourhood single woman who enjoys sex.

152. NKR - October 25, 2006

I don’t know about the technical definition (that Wiki thing seems quite reasonable- difficult to quantify sex drive, no?) but apparently most nymphos actually don’t orgasm as often as other people and only get the titillation. Hence the continuous search for that complete sexual experience.

I’m willing to volunteer my services to help with any difficulties in this area, Scully, but a face-to-face meeting may be needed.

153. Tanya - October 25, 2006

Ravana/ Colombo Scully – I disagree. Flowers and chocolates do not equate decenecy and respect. You have abusive husbands who lavish their wives with gifts the day after beating her up.
Sophist – respect is not merely restricted to equality. I think in the context of sex (no-strings), respect comes with the way the guy says/ asks for it, and his reaction to a possible rejection. It’s mostly in the way the guy speaks/ behaves. And of course the sheer decency of not blabbing the morning after!

154. Sophist - October 25, 2006

I won’t tell anyone…promise :)

But I completely agree with you about abusive husbands and the flowers thing. To each his own though.

155. NKR - October 25, 2006

I’ve always had the theory that women cheat on their partners just as often as the men. Only women don’t brag about it and are perfectly happy with just the illicit nookie.

There’s a hidden ‘black market’ of cheating wives and girlfirends that only a select number of non-bragging men are aware of.

156. Sophist - October 25, 2006

How do you know this NKR? Hmmm…well – how?!

157. T - October 25, 2006

Yes NKR how do you know this?

158. Colombo Scully - October 25, 2006

hmm.. call me psychic ….I get the feeling this NKR charachter is not just totally hot, but discreet too, and let me guess: a charmer….hes one of those suave hunks who knows the rules,plays the game fair and square and has it all worked out: and he dosnt let on too easy.
Guys: you need to pump him for his secrets.

159. ravana - October 25, 2006

I think he sounds like he pumps homself quite enough as it is.

160. David Blacker - October 25, 2006

Er… wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?

C’mon, Scully, you’re beginning to sound like a cheapo version of Shoba Dhe. Shouldn’t you reserve such titillation for your (so far unknown) site?

161. ravana - October 25, 2006

To change the subject, I was at a biriyani dinner party for Ramazan yesterday, and the subject of the sex discussion on this blog post came up. Most girls there agreed that if not for the fact that men tend to talk, they would definitely be open to more sexual experiences.

I think this basically highlights two things:

1. SL women care about their repuation a lot.

2. SL women don’t trust the men not to talk about it.

162. T - October 25, 2006

Ravana don’t you think your sample represented the more open minded of SL’s female population?

Colombo Scully don’t give up your day job and open a psychic hotline… NKR is as filthy as they come.

163. Gampaha Mulder - October 25, 2006

Forget Scully. We need experts. Suggest you get Info Share to sanction a sizeable grant from USAID /or who ever and beging Islandwide Awareness Raising programmes for the natives on who to screw (not the neghbourhood goat, montesorry crowd or related parties) and how to screw. Well ok,I admit Scully can be a consultant and draw good fees. Think of the possibilities. the logo design, workshop timetables, brainstorming in Kandalama…bring in the FMM to help spread the message through media with striking visuals…

164. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 25, 2006

Well tell me this guys …… without taking any personal relationaships into account and if u are looking for a fuck….would u do a SL girl or a white chick.

Scully dont worry abt me gettin laid im in the states and i get my fare share. Just about yourself I mean if u are doing guys in the SL Army and STF u must be “Satha” coz they behave as animals too.

165. gal about colombo - October 25, 2006

Oops, sorry for the black guys comment David, but it was tongue in cheek (no pun intended..), but I’ve seen comments from guys on how burgher gals are the hottest, or whatever, so why is it only you who get to make us feel insecure? Perhaps burgher girls are hotter, perhaps black guys do have bigger whatsits. Really I don’t care either way, but it does strike me that guys are very aware of what makes them feel insecure, perhaps not so empathetic to the other sex. Of course I wouldn’t tell a guy he was crap compared to my last conquest, and I would expect them not to do the same to me, it’s just being respectful of someone’s feelings. As for the white guys thing, I think it is just because they have less baggage as you pointed out. I must add that more experience generally makes for a better lover, and that applies equally to both sexes. I do think men can gain from a change in the status quo – though it’s true that women have a greater vested interest in changing things as so many women have unsatisfying, bad sex in comparison to men (this could be avoided if they got to know there own bodies and desires better). After a recent experience with an SL guy he divulged the fact that it was much more enjoyable with me primarily because I was enthusiastic, genuinely into it and putting in some effort, and how many SL chicks are so boring to sleep with because they just lie there like a sack of potatoes. Mind you, perhaps this preference for experienced women only applies to younger, fitter men, as I guess as one gets older and lazy, and less inclined to put in the effort, a pliant and undemanding virginal type is less hassle. But really, who wants to do it with a guy who isn’t going to try or a girl who doesn’t really like it – just sounds wrong to me.

For the record: Scully’s wining and dining crap is just that: crap. I personally don’t need someone to buy me dinner; I can do that myself because I have a paying job. Much more important to have respect for each other and feel mutually good about a relationship/interaction, and this does not hinge on an exchange of material rewards. Scully, I think the guys you are banging sound like assholes, and therein lays your problem. You are not being selective. Even if I am promiscuous by some people’s standards, I am not unselective. I would not enjoy a crappy experience with a crappy person who is not going to treat me like an equal. This brings me back to my point with western European guys, as they are a little more understanding about the whole casual sex thing (not all of them of course, but more than in SL). It would be great if all guys could be respectful and cool and caring about people they sleep with, even if they realise it’s not going to lead to a long term relationship.

As for banging around like over-sexed chimps in a zoo, I don’t think that is what is being advocated. It is more a case of allowing people to explore a very natural facet of human behaviour without shame and with mutual respect. I don’t really want to screw every guy I see – more because I don’t think it would be very satisfying or rewarding rather than it being intrinsically wrong – but if I do want to have a relationship with a guy (be it fairly transient and sexual, or long term) I’d like to be able to pursue it without any guilt or social repercussions, both on my part and on the part of my partner.
Marriage and monogamy is great, but in many cases it is conducted under a veil of hypocrisy and frustration in this country. I don’t know how many married guys are heading off to brothels, or how many married women are having affairs. Some people don’t want to screw around, that’s great for them and they should feel good about that. Some people want to screw around for a while and then settle down – that’s my preferred option. Others just can’t help screwing around all the time – and perhaps they should think about not pretending to be monogomous and just getting on with it without messing other people around.
ps – Would have been great to join you guys for that drink Sophist but, though I’m happy to share my opinions anonymously on this blog site, I’m not really an exhibitionist so will remain under the cover of my pseudonym I fear.

166. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 25, 2006

Hey Scully I got a banana for you .. Will u have sex with my dog if I gave it to u…

167. Sophist - October 26, 2006

Damn shame that Gal about Colombo. Reading that comment I’d just made up my mind to run away with you. Hee hee. But seriously – you talk a lot of sense. And you’re a woman…i.e. you’re perfect.

168. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 26, 2006

Bullshit no ones perfect … 3 months down the line Sophist you would be complaining about her to everyone that’s she’s a horrid bitch.

And guess who would be listening to all this mostly..Yes it’s no one else but our trash can Scully.

So keep collecting some bananas u would need it in the long run. Awe and Scully don’t take any of this personally honey.

169. gal about colombo - October 26, 2006

though short-what’s-his-small-brain-good-4-not-much has come up with some prime A crap on this thread, one thing’s certain – I’m not perfect (though I have yet to be told I am a horrid bitch by anyone other than a cyber troll). Maybe I’ll bump into you one day on the Colombo circuit and say hi Sophist, but there are some great, like minded women out there so keep your eyes peeled!

170. gal about colombo - October 26, 2006

ps this should also be the moment when I mention I’m 55, look like a hog and weigh 90KG…. Actually those vital stats are way off, worry not: you’re not dealing with a virtual beast, but it would make good material for a really bad, slapstick Hollywood movie. Ugh!

171. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 26, 2006

Hey Gal from Colombo Just to get things straight here there is nothing wrong with my brain or its thinking capabilities it’s my cock that’s a bit short.

And what’s this about me talking crap granny. I really can’t understand what a 55 year old grandma should come into a discussion like this and share you 2 cents with us for. Seriously I mean sex and you are like black and white. I’ll tell you what go feed the pigeons or go out this Saturday im sure people will think ur dressed for Halloween and won’t run away from u.

Im sure everyone agrees that I have been talking to the point and have simply stated the obvious facts. I may have been a touch open mouthed about it but its only because im a very caring person.

172. T - October 26, 2006

Not a surprise really but it’s taken 20 days to get 181 comments on the “Is there a military solution to the war” post and only 8 days to get 170+ comments on the “lets talk about sex” post.

Just goes to show that our buggers would rather fuck than find lasting peace… fair enough

173. David Blacker - October 26, 2006

“I really can’t understand what a 55 year old grandma should come into a discussion like this ”

So what’s a short-cocked retard doing here anyway? Obviously knows little about women and even less about sex. Though he seems to know a fair bit about Burgher & Irish GUYS. Hmm… Hey Sophist, maybe you can help him out. I’ll post you a strap-on cock, you hold the bugger down, and get Tanya, Scully & Gal to gang bang Short Cock. I think that’s what he’s angling for since he won’t pay for it and flunked Grade 1 Seduction.

174. YODA - October 26, 2006

and who says women dont talk? cmon, like we dont talk about sex and REALLY worry about what men say about us… (ref. the conversation over the biriyani). from experience, men will NEVER say sex was shit (unless you were too lazy to wax and opted for a quick shave and it chaffed his balls), cos ultimately, men think like chicks: if boy A complains that sex with girlfriend B is crap, boy C REALLY thinks Boy A cant satisfy his woman.
and despite all the fluttering of eye lashes and droping of ‘kerchiefs (and yes, straightening of hair), Sri Lankan women are as randy and as boisterous about it as their American trailer trash (harsh perhaps but let’s face it, oh so true) counterparts. i went on ‘a girls night out’ last weekend, expecting sympathetic oohing and aahing and ‘cmon woman he’s a prick anyway’, ‘your better offf without him’- type conversation (two out of five of us had just become single). by the end of the night, we had decided that yes, we really dont mind it if the guy wants to pee on us, only so long as its done in a caring and loving manner, shitting is a definite no-no and public places is a definite yes-yes. How satisfying DIY-quickies can be, what batteries work best, what positions men love, what positions they hate, what they tend to say when orgasming, what they should say when orgasming, and of course the all-important topic(yes, im sorry guys, but however much we deny it , i’m sorry we do talk about it) the size and shape of the penis.
so, really, (i might be way off the topic here cos ive only read about the first ten posts and the last five), the idea that SL women are a little prudish and shy when it comes to sex or even talking about it is complete BS. all we have done is mastered the art of pretending to be.

175. zbili - October 26, 2006

Rhetorically interesting, though, to choose an emasculated name, and sneer from that position. Why not say the usual stats on inches or whatever? Makes me think the bugger may have a sense of humor, and is just having an adolescent thrill being filthy where there’s no need, but that’s what he’s learnt.

I dunno. Shorty- why with any blogonym you could think of, did you choose that one; whatsit mean?

176. zbili - October 26, 2006

the above is meant to respond to David.

Well said too Yoda (you know Yoda was a dude, right?).

177. ravana - October 26, 2006

In defense of a lady’s honour, Blacker? I like it!

Short Cock – I think Gal was kidding about the 55 years, weren’t you, Ms.Aboutcolombo?

She said:

“Actually those vital stats are way off, worry not: you’re not dealing with a virtual beast, but it would make good material for a really bad, slapstick Hollywood movie.”

Get it?

You not understanding thaIt, makes what you said rather funny though, Short Cock:

“Just to get things straight here there is nothing wrong with my brain or its thinking capabilities. Im sure everyone agrees that I have been talking to the point and have simply stated the obvious facts”

Never mind, Short Cock, after all it’s girth that really matters!

178. Sophist - October 26, 2006

Yes Gal about Colombo – I’m the one with ‘Sophist’ on his t-shirt. My eyes are peeled.

179. Colombo Scully. - October 26, 2006

would not touch shorty with a twenty foot strap on cock, thank you, unless it was plugged into the mains and I had thick rubber gloves and a gas mask.

180. ghostwriter - October 26, 2006

would not touch shorty with a twenty foot strap on cock, thank you, unless it was plugged into the mains and I had thick rubber gloves and a gas mask.

Just to be clear, only if shorty was plugged into the mains? Or if this strap-on cattle prod was powered up?

Interesting hints of a latex fetish there too (thick rubber gloves, eh?). Where are the handcuffs?

181. Short Cock 4a Suck - October 26, 2006

You people simply amaze me, Here we are talking on how to reform sexual relationships in Sri Lanka while you folks want to rape me with a strap on ……….Well this just shows how sick you people are beneath I’ am just happy that I’ am the one who took your mask off.

Seriously what if a foreigner comes in and looks at this thread its going to be a disgrace to the Sri Lankan community. He would be thinking “Are these the sick perverts and whores who are trying to reform sexual relationships in Sri Lanka” which is really bad for the country.

And David im not sure what you are trying to get at man …….. I have nothing against gays and lezbo’s its just that I am not one. And if you are wondering about my comment on Irish guys well its b’cos some of the girls I move with say that.

One thing I hate is to hear a whore say she wont do something, Scully u have placed a price for your soul which simply implies that u would do the same for anything. Please honey don’t comment about me im not going to comment on any of these from now on coz now I know I have been talking a bunch of whores, pervs and phidophiles which I don’t associate my self with.

182. David Blacker - October 26, 2006

Well, you keep coming back for more, Short Cock. Why’s that, masochism? You know, they say you know someone from the epithets he levels, so I think it’s you that’s the perv. And the ‘girls’ you hang out with probably said ‘Irish’ cos that was the first thing to pop into their heads. Probably would have said ‘Afghan’ just to get rid of you.

183. Tanya - October 26, 2006

Thanks for volunteering our services david. You do have some brilliant ideas.
Since we’re all whores, pervs and paedophiles, i wonder which respective category each of us falls under…

184. gal about colombo - October 27, 2006

Jesus christ, gas masks and rubber and god knows what else, this thread has not just degenerated, it has evolved into something alltogether different. Just for the record I am not 55 and overweight, indeed, cock-4-a-brain didn´t pick up on that, and a number of other things. Maybe you should spend less time in the whore house honey, that syphillis does funny things to the mind. Talking of syphillis, was´t this thread initially about safe sex? How easy it is it to get hold of condoms in SL anyway (I bought my bumper stock abroad, as I haven´t seen any durex around here and I´d be wary using dodgy brands). I know you can get them at the pharmacy, but are there places where one can purchase them more anonymously, as people are understandably intimidated to do so. Is there any way for people on low incomes to get free condoms? And are there any programmes to educate prostitutes and give them easy access to condoms? Any info?

185. ghostwriter - October 27, 2006

my-rooster-is-vertically-challenged: Why would you (or indeed anyone else) care about what a foreigner thinks? Are you making a lame attempt at “what would the foreigners think?! oh my” to bail from commenting? Maybe you strap on a pair first :)

By the way, I’m interested in your astonishing detective work to conclude that we’re all whores, pedos and err… pervs based only on online commentary. Please be careful, you don’t want to injure yourself with those almighty leaps to conclusions :) Even better, a moral judgement from a person who goes by “Short Cock 4a suck”. Is that a cry for help from you? :)

Me, I think everyone in this thread so far is a sweaty, overweight (male) three wheeler driver with an internet connection hooked up to his tuk-tuk. Safer that way :)

On condoms: it used to be easier a few years ago – my story of err.. several dozens of comments ago provides some indication that things may have taken a backward step at some point. (My experiences may not be typical, of course). There used to be vending machines dispensing condoms at one point in Salaka? Or Osusala or some place like that, but I don’t know if they still exist. There also used to be initiatives run by the Family Planning place to give out condoms free or very cheap… (someone please dig up their telephone hotline numbers and post it, I’ve heard that they’re really helpful and quite professional)

The biggest gripe I have with condom purchases in SL is that if you do want to buy some, you need to try a few places. The local brand used to have a discreet little sign (look! we sell condoms!) but that seems to be dying out. I have no qualms buying condoms or asking but running from store to store asking if they stock any gets a bit … silly.

Durex isn’t available in SL? I’m pretty sure it is. By the way, I remember reading that “diversionary” purchases to cover for embarassing items ran into billions (in the UK). Link was on BBC but I can’t seem to dig it up (silly wifi keeps dying on me). Has anyone bought other stuff even though they didn’t really need it (to not just have condoms in your shopping basket?). I’ve done this a few times, so I remembered :)

186. David Blacker - October 27, 2006

Durex IS available in SL. “Laughs” on Havelock Rd had ‘em, anyway. Rough Rider too, I think. Nevers seen condom machines in Sl though.

Yeah, it IS still quite embarrassing to buy rubbers, mostly because of the whole furtive process the pharmacies put you through. They usually have them somewhere that you can’t simply point it out, but need to call out the brand in a moderately loud voice. At one time I used to go to the same pharmacy and always yelled “Rough Riders please!” to the sweet young thing behind the counter, until whenever I walked into that super she’d have the stuff packed and ready for me. Sort of like a drugs pickup. I can’t understand why they don’t have ‘em at least as easily grabbable as smokes.

187. Sophist - October 27, 2006

NKR and I were at the said Laugfs supermarket late one night when this overtly dodgy bugger, who was clearly in an emergency jumped ahead of us in the queue and furtively asked for a pack of condoms. The pharmacy buggers purposely or completely obliviously put this guy through so much red tape it was all NKR and I could do to not break out in hysterical laughter.

Eventually, the poor fucker after much agitation just grabbed them threw the money down and pissed off. The car pulled away with a conspicuous wheelspin.

Hee hee. Durex is more freely available now thank god. Blacker I don’t know how you used RR’s regularly. Annoying, uncomofortable bloody brand.

188. David Blacker - October 27, 2006

Didn’t use ‘em regularly, Sophist. And that was back before Durex was available.

189. David Blacker - October 27, 2006

And Tanya, I’ve got lots of other ideas. We should discuss them sometime.

190. aljuhara - October 27, 2006

you may all be interested in this article.

http://www.dailymirror.lk/sections/supp/w@w/241006/10.asp

which seems to be a rather calmer discussion on the same subject.
If you cant find the text,Ill post it here with ravanas permission.

191. David Blacker - October 27, 2006

Can’t get in without a password, Al.

192. aljuhara - October 27, 2006

hm…I guess anyway comments I post are moderated by Ravana so Ill go ahead and post it here – however I just know that this will lead to another 40 comments at least.Here goes anyway -courtesy Daily Mirror:

Girls and Boys Should Mix’n Match

By Sirohmi Gunesekera

Nihal and Shalini were both in the same class in school. Theirs was a mixed school and girls and boys mixed freely both in the classroom and out. The teenagers sometimes paired off and there was easy talk of boyfriends and girlfriends.

“I went to a convent school and I was always afraid of boys. I wanted my daughter to have equal opportunities in life and that is why I sent her to this mixed school,” explained one mother.
What about the perennial fear that a girl will get “spoiled” or have an unwanted baby by mixing too much with boys?
:”Boys and girls MUST be given proper sex education from a young age so that they can mix freely yet responsibly with members of the opposite sex.” commented a teacher and mother, adding, “Girls must be taught to look after themselves without having someone around to protect them all the time, a practical impossibility. Dr.Sriyani Basnayake, formerly of the Family Planning Association, has gone on record that only one third of women can scientifically prove their virginity, so what are we protecting them for? If a girl is given sex education, she will know how to look after herself if ever she finds herself alone with a boy. It is better than having an adult breathing down her neck all the time.”
Sri Lankan society is guilty of downright hypocrisy in that while advocating the protection of young girls, a girl who is a victim of sexual abuse becomes the focus of much covering up. What about the boy who is the guilty party? Why should he be allowed to go scot free, propagating double standards for boys and men?
But boys and men are not intrinsically evil or satanic. Most of the time, they are ignorant and do not know how to treat women. This goes back to the home front and how the boys are raised by their mothers and fathers. EVERY BOY SHOULD BE BROUGHT UP TO RESPECT EVERY WOMAN, FROM A PROSTITUTE OR SEX WORKER TO A MOTHER.
I have done research for many years among the poor, the rich and the in-between into Human Relations and the Family Unit. It is clear that in the average Sri Lankan family, there is a clear demarcation between the so-called “Good Woman” and the so-called “Bad Woman”. In some families, boys are encouraged to “have fun” with so-called “bad women” or girls while keeping marriage for a so-called ‘good woman” or girl possibly chosen by the parents. Isn’t this downright hypocritical?
Besides, deep inside every girl or woman, there is a desire to be “naughty” with a man but this is often covered up and a so-called “Ms.Goody Two Shoes” image is conjured up and she has no choice but to conform! Men and women share a mutual sexual attraction and that is why romantic love and marriage are held up as the ideal goal for many. If a woman enjoys sex with her husband or partner, then is she a so-called “bad woman”?
Enjoying sex is the criterion and there are many prudes who proclaim to the high heavens that sex is dirty and there are many who pretend to abide by this edict. Therefore, there are so-called “good women” who cringe at having sex even with their lawfully-wedded husband.
It is this prevailing attitude that hampers many men and women from outright sexual enjoyment. Since adults pretend, young people who are more uninhibited hide and indulge in forbidden fruit from hugging and kissing to having sex.
Today, boys and girls mix at tuition classes and parties but even then, there is not enough proper mixing of the sexes for them to get to know each other well and choose a partner wisely. So often, a common sexual attraction is mistaken for love. This is compounded by propinquity where a man and a woman are thrown together frequently such as a boss and a secretary or doctor and nurse.

Add to this, the mania most parents have to “settle” their daughters in marriage and soon a wedding takes place before the girl is ‘spoiled’! All the problems surface after the marriage and then are swept under the carpet with the couple continuing to live together for the rest of their lives.

It is very sad that there aren’t enough opportunities for girls and boys to meet and get to know each other intimately in Sri Lanka. Service clubs and religious youth groups are a forum but the majority of young people are afraid to venture out and instead wait for their parents to arrange marriages for them. And so the marriage takes place with little knowledge of the partner and the baby comes along very soon after, compounding marital problems.

How many Sri Lankan marriages are happy? How many husbands and wives share true love and companionship? Children come first all the time when the marriage is not a working partnership. Ideally, boys and girls should get to know each other well and they should mix with many before they choose a partner.

Let’s do what we can to ensure that today’s boys and girls mix well before they match, giving them opportunities that you and I never had!

193. aljuhara - October 27, 2006
194. zbili - October 28, 2006

The Women’s International League for Peace & Freedom( whoever that is but they sound lovely) give the following contact info:

Family Planning Association of Sri Lanka
37/27 Buller’s Lane
Colombo 7

Tel: +94-1-2584203
Fax: +94-1-2580915
Email: abeysinghe@fpasl.org

I talked to someone at FPASL for background on a paper and they seem very pragmatic. Nice folks, good work.

195. new one - October 28, 2006

Hi All,
I am a non SL, but south asian girl and i am greatly impressed by this discussion. I also fully agree that sex is the most forbidden topic to talk about yet it captures a large part of thought process during the waking hours in this part of geography.
I agree with few members of this forum that to change the mentality on sex, mostly the onus lay on the shoulders of girls. they have to be bold enough not to care about the label-thing and believe in voicing their basic humanly needs. these changes take time, but efforts must not be stopped.

196. Supun - November 19, 2006

Ravana, I absolutely love your witty articles that you have posted on your blog to dat. They provoke great debates and discussion. It is great to hear the voice of Sri Lankans and expats.

Keep it up,

Your’e fan,

Supun

197. ashanthi - December 2, 2006

That was very funny – really worth a read by all Sri Lankans all over the planet.

The issue of really high teenage pregnancy rates is worrying but not surprising.

In a country with all sorts of dirty secrets, denial of reality I would say there ais a whole system in place to hide these pregnancies. Let’s not forget the issue of incest as well which result in pregnancies.

Overall Sri Lanka and Sri Lankans seriously need to grow up. I guess this post is a start in the right direction.

198. Anonymous - April 13, 2007

Respect yoru views but,
Europe may have the best sex ed programs, but they also have the world’s larget devorce and underage sex tarde! Sex Ed goes both ways… don’t just talk about one side of it….
I went to a sex ed program in Canada (Grade 11). It sucks and it teach you fool around anyway… Face the facts, sex Ed programs in Western countries are a failure!!! (Number shows)
Good luck with the program.

199. Simple Wisdom - April 18, 2007

I agree with Gal about Colombo. Experience makes for great lessons and i dont see why that shud be any different in sex! I know from personal experience that great sex means more than just hoppin into bed with someone. There has to be mutual respect, and Communication. And if both the guy and the gal are smart enough to stay safe then you’v got it made! Like sophist says women shud learn to explore before tryin the Knot and then realising they’ve got somethin they want to share with More than just their husband! heh heh And i think it all boils down to how well you connect & communicate NOT how much you wine & dine! That’s such hogwash!

200. Simple Wisdom - April 18, 2007

And Thanks Ravana ! Jus wish this cud become a talk show subject on local TV one day! Ha we wish ! some day some day

201. Valintino - May 4, 2007

Hello, Your site is great. Regards, Valintino Guxxi

202. battsforever - May 9, 2007

Well not just Asia all over it sometimes sucks to be a woman cos u guys always receive inside ur body as us men just have to dip. Receiving always takes a toll. So yeah no guy wants to be with someone with a lotta tread marks :) I know that might sound ignorant but it’s a fact!!

203. battsforever - May 9, 2007

Oh by the way I disagree with skully, cos Colombo has changed so much. Women are lot more materialistic (obviously there are exceptions) A way to a woman’s pants maybe her heart but all depends on what the heart wants. Let me put it this way. My flashy cars, family background, and not too bad looks :) get’s me laid on a weekly, sometimes daily basis with different high class women. Yup I’m sure most of you out and about Colombo has seen me in clubs with a lotta bottles on my table :)

204. FunInTheSun - May 18, 2007

I love DB’s analogy of Oct 2006 – “Women are like ice cream – grab a spoon!”. And colombo scully, i dont know about the wine and chocolates and flowers.

in my opinion everyone wants a lot of sex. but many guys don’t know how to go about it, and many women are scared of getting a “promiscuous” rep so they put up a front. Even more guys were a bit more tactful and more girls were promiscuous, there will be less labeling.

Also, the intention is not to “take a girl out for dinner in exchange for sex”. Basically its to chat to get a feel for each other and see what the chemistry is like and try to flirt to build up a bit of sexual tension. Lanka is a bit starved for “date entertainment” – maybe thats why we drink so much.

That being said, if you leave your lady smiling, she’ll call you back, no need to worry about the flowers and fancy dinner. Just be nice to her and remember, she comes first ;) (and if youre good not just once!!

I love women, especially witty ones. They tease better.

205. patio enclosure - September 6, 2007

patio enclosure

patio enclosure

206. Ruud Orlagh - September 20, 2007

when you say it’s ove. Ruud Orlagh.

207. wikum - October 14, 2007

almost 80% of the content of srilanka in these article are wrong .you need to come to srilanka to comment of it in the first place

208. yearningforkottu - October 14, 2007

Sex sells people, sex sells! Has anybody stopped to ponder how this particular blog on sex is getting so much attention, everybody wants to put their two cents in (including me) because it’s frickckin scandalous! I’m sure most every guy here has ‘bonked’ a Sri Lankan girl at some point and also noticed that she was not blinking trying to figure out what was going on, or ‘in,’ but probably responded! Fact of the matter is it’s everywhere and we just have to deal with it. The shame factor when it comes to discussing sex between two generations is existent, most would blush if their mum decided to bring the subject up when they were fifteen because it was deemed taboo. In Western countries, contraceptives are advertised on prime-time televison, so are pregnancy tests and so on.. Our society is a little too conservative at the present stage to go to such measures and will probably end up in a couple of ‘fasts-unto-death’ by religious leaders (I think i’m exaggerating) and similar extremist behaviour. Fact remains, people are still having sex, including teenagers and if they are to save themselves from contracting STD’s, getting pregnant, or trying to abort in self-threatening ways just to escape the shame and social exclusion, some decisive steps have to be taken. Legalizing abortion perhaps? If it’s still happening and everybody knows it, why not make it safer? This could go on and on and on, it’s a good thing i’m not too busy at work today!

209. caroline - November 2, 2007

I’ve been reading your thread and find it interesting. I’m Australian 46 and had a casual “arrangement” with the a Srilankan man. I am a lonely single mum and don’t have much opportunity to meet men australian or otherwise. I met him at the local train station here in brisbane. I must say his behaviour was very hurtful and confusing to me, he’d see me or talk on the phone for just 10 minutes at a time once a month or so, for sex, phone sex. in between visits I’m sure he had forgotten all about me. Then he’d ring again a month or two later. I had been celibate for many years so it seemed better than nothing and I had fallen in lust with him.
He still talks to me on the phone occasionally even though he’s married now . This man is charming(on the surface at least) soft spoken attractive, secretive, cruel and teasing. I don’t understand his behaviour at all. it is as if he is punishing me for liking him.

210. Betty Dong - March 9, 2008

Dear Ravana:

I am seeking to get permission to show a slide of your safe sex cartoon in my presentation. Please send your permission.

thanks much.

Betty

211. cheshan - March 19, 2008

hi i want to fuk sri lankan girl in colombo/moratuwa

212. Varuna - March 21, 2008

Hi i’m varuna from gampola i like to chat women between 25-45 ages for fuking & their experience if any one likes to chat with me sms this no 94723827382

213. AK - April 17, 2008

May I know what women in Colombo/Sri Lanka are looking for in a guy? Also, may I know how I should approach them? I am an extremely shy person and find it hard talking to girls. Today was the first time I made a move on a girl, I was so nervous and ended up whispering to her “would you like to have coffee sometime”, and she just seemed stunned and walked off.

214. tania - May 12, 2008

Sri Lanka is a sexually repressed country? Well I was in Sri Lanka during transit to Delhi and the look that I received from every single male there was one hellova horny look.The whole airport atmosphere was hot and my colleagues who travelled with me were pretty suprised how I could get away from chain of checkings very easily. I admit that the guys there also are attrative with splendid built and sharp eyes well.There was this soldier who was stickin out his tongue when he saw me…I wonder why..hehe. The screening..hmmm involved heavy duty squeezing by female office while male soldier watched…maybe they are just so careful…;-)

215. Sebastian - June 10, 2008

i just happened to bump in to this thread and found it very interesting. Specially the open mindedness of the ladies and their liberal out look towards sex really impressed me. Personally i am living a life without sex and companion ship but after seeing this blog thought there might be ladies who would like to associate guy like me for a relation ship , a intimate one without the usual crap about marriage and stuff . so if there are ladies like that pls i would like to keep in touch with you.

216. MAAL - July 16, 2008

HI MY DEAR LADIES,I’M23 YRS NICE GUY,SO I LIKE TO SHARE MY HOT FEELINGS WITH SEX LADIES WHO LIKE TO BE WITH ME,SO PLS CONTACT TO MY MOBILE(0716912658) & HAVE FUN……

217. Mosunmola - July 22, 2008

When is my save period to have unprotected sex with my boyfriend.

218. indika - January 6, 2009

i like sex

219. kumar - January 15, 2009

i want to add

220. Ramsta - January 16, 2009

Men and Women – same species but two different breeds. understanding the other is not that easy. In the context of fun and sex, men mostly want ‘sex’ and women mostly want ‘security’. If you can offer security, u’ll get all the sex you want guys, works like a charm. But providing security is expensive in general.. it cud cost you your life =P

221. pinky - January 23, 2009

i can say Yes to Chesahn

buddhi - February 26, 2012

yes may i have a sex with you.

222. pinky - January 23, 2009

I really really like to know which Chesan is this!!! please tell who you are?

223. ravana - March 31, 2009

I like gay porn. I really do. I wank to it

buddhi - February 26, 2012

me too

224. Viraj Dineth - June 29, 2009

The topic = Let’s talk about sex in Sri Laka.

But what is being discused is all out of topic.

If we talk about attitudes ; yes Sri lankans are too fuddy duddy about it.

Almost every one above the age of 16 , is active but every one pretends not to be… And some medaia pundits talk like they have never had extra marital sex or gay sex .

It is common knowledge that almost every girls school n boys school , have some sex between same sex partners. The Interational schools , some of the are quite free about sex.

If what i have seen n heard about my age guys n girls, is correct , very few remain virgin by the age of 21. Perhaps cos they never had a chance.

Yet , every guy seems to think he shud marry only a virgin.

and every girl thinks , they can get a guy to look at her only after getting married.

Any way before the Brits came ( as stated by many friends above ) I think S.L. was more of an open society.

We are yet practicing that but pretend that we are a bunch of saints without any desires.

225. lavinia - August 14, 2009

It’s a fact that Sri Lankan women went about bare-breasted till the British told us to cover up. Even more interesting, if a woman had the hots for a particular man, she would just stand by the doorway and toss a small stone in his direction as he passed by…it meant, come in and enjoy…bloody hell..what happened to good ole permissive Sri Lanka!? Actually, its only Colombo and surrounding that has gone all prudish. Further out there, its the law of the jungle…screw at will…

Will we?

226. nalin - September 15, 2009

i wont meet sexy womens

227. Mapics - February 9, 2010

Maraming salamat sa inyo para sa tulong kukunin ko na subukan ito at makita ito ang mangyayari.

228. prasad chandeepa - March 3, 2010

Hi my dear ladies
im from sri lanka.i like to sex
(0375738769)my number.
my name is prasad chandeepa.

229. Butik Sepatu Tas - August 22, 2010

Nice Blog.. I love it.. Keep up the good work..

lakmal - October 8, 2010

me letter eka mage ekkak

230. gayan kumara - October 14, 2010

i like to sex with srilanka woman
please give ur phone number
put that on this email

231. chandima - December 11, 2010

hi i am chandima i like to have sex with old womens if u need sex and have abeter sexsual fun pleace call me 0723319331 only for over 45 womens

chandima - December 11, 2010

hi

232. nimal - May 11, 2012

iam silva.30 or 45 divorsed or merrid ledis tex call me 0724856519

233. Lili - July 30, 2012

Safe sex knowledge of school children, just read this, it is a first hand true story.
A friend of mine went to meet his son studying in a leading Colombo school one evening. While waiting for his son to come out, my friend heard a boy in his son’s age (13+ but he looked grown up) inviting another two to join him to meet a prostitute.
Shocked by the behaviour, and feared as well because his son is in, he, as a father, summoned the three boys and tried to explain them the danger of their intention.
In response, the boy said, “hey uncle (the way boys call the fathers of their pals in Sri Lanka) don’t you know the ways and means to do it safely.” Then the boy took out something from his pocket abruptly and showed it to my friend and said: : “We have got condoms.”

234. asanka - August 13, 2012

Sex very life. i’m man. 26 years. i like woman or girls. call me. full fun me to. my tel: 0750815818

235. Jamel - September 23, 2012

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238. anna - December 12, 2012

I just have to dispel the comments on this thread about SL men being small….personal experience, as a western woman who has maintained a four year relationship with a SL man….have only had 4 partners my entire life…i am 39 and he is 35….and he is the biggest ever…(and I mean that in terms of height and otherwise!) handsome, beautiful wheatish skin, combination Burghur/Sinhala….and the best lover that can be imagined….yum! yep i know how lucky i am….but then again, so is he……(smile)

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