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I hate to steal a topic idea, but this piece which started out as a comment got way too long and reminiscing to leave at the mercy of Darwin’s blog. Besides, if any topic is worthy of unbridled group activity, the subject of orgies, surely must qualify, so I’m going to dive right in!

The Main Course 

Actually, that is not the only orgy I came  chanced upon. One cold night at the end of that term, about eight of us from our kitchen went into the woods and sat around drinking in a circle on the ground playing Never-Have-I-Ever and Spin-the-Bottle. We got hideously drunk, and loosened tongues started to spill intimately private stories. One usually very quiet maths student told us he had spanked his monkey in the back seat while his grandad was driving; Girl told us that she’d once flicked a bean in a toilet at a nightclub. It was a good way to get to know each other. After all, it had been less than ten weeks since we had met.

After some time, about four of the others went back leaving only myself, and three other guys whose real names were Alvin, Simon and Theodore. And Girl. I went into the woods to take a whiz and when I came back, I found Girl lying on her back on the cold hard ground, still clothed, but loose and unzipped. Alvin was on one side of her devouring her face, and feeling her up (2nd and 3rd base). Simon was on the other side, kneeling over her and bending down - also eating her face and copping a feel (2nd base). Theodore was just standing there, over them, staring.

The alcohol and the cold dulled the surprise and I said, “Well, that was quick”, or something similarly mundane. Simon, without looking up, laughingly murmured, ”Join in”. I could almost hear Theodore’s brain making its decision, saying “fuck it” before he knelt down awkwardly over Girl’s face, and started snogging her in tandem. I just stood there looking, bottle of vodka in hand. The trees cast long shadows, the cold ground was hard and covered with dead leaves. I thought of animals – specifically of lions tearing at a carcass. I felt absolutely no desire to join in. 

Years later, I tried to analyse why I did not. I’m not prudish. The reason is the same reason I avoided the swarm over tuckshop hotdogs whenever one of my fellow cash-strapped classmates bought any. That degree of sharing just makes me lose my appetite. I mean, I loved hotdogs as much as the next nine-year-old, but there was not much eating in a 3-rupee tuck-shop bun with only a quarter sausage in it. I guess, I had always been a one-hotdog-one-mouth kind of guy, if you get my drift.

So, after a while, we started walking back from the woods, and we met Zorba, who Girl had started seeing a few weeks before. There was some awkwardness. Girl was still drunk and I don’t know how much Girl told Zorba, but he did not look very pleased. The next day, Girl, very embarrassed and laughing, told me I should have stopped her. She made it sound like she had been taken advantage of, but hell, she had looked like she was enjoying it more than any of the others, and I think the classic “I-Was-Drunk Excuse” was just an attempt at minimizing  embarrassment, as it always is.

Just Desserts 

Nothing happened between Alvin, Simon, Theodore and Girl after that. Alvin dropped out at the end of the first year. Zorba and Girl stopped seeing each other, but only after she had persuaded Alvin, Simon, myself and another friend, Jane, to let Zorba live with all of us in the next year in a six-bedroom house off campus.

That’s right: we all moved in together. If you think that sounds comedic, try this: I went out with Girl in the second year. We went out for about a four months. You would have thought that living in a house with her and three other guys, all of whom had at least got to second base with her - my girlfriend - would have been rather difficult for me to handle. But it wasn’t. At least… it was not at first. I had forgotten about the lions-to-a-carcass incident, until one night when Girl had gone out to some sports social and she came back home reeking of alcohol, flopped down, woke me up and told me about her night.

They always got up to crazy antics at the sports socials, and I was not into that scene so I guess it made me feel a bit insecure when she told me she had taken her top off and danced on a table as a “drinking fine” that night. That image got under my skin. I was half awake. I kept thinking about her in a pub, on a table, with a crowd of people around her, cheering her with her top off. Dream-like images of lions to a carcass came to me and the image of that cold night in the woods nearly a year before flooded my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. There was a bad taste in my mouth. That night, I felt so repulsed, I slept on the floor.

The next day, I confided in Simon about how I was feeling, and he, being pretty conservative, told me that Girl’s behaviour was unacceptable and that I should put my foot down. Simon’s reaction made me feel like I had been disrespected and that made me even angrier than I had been at first. Girl and I had a blowout. She walked out of the house in the middle of the night. I vented on a discarded bed in the backyard and reduced it to firewood within minutes with my bare hands and feet – I was so angry. We became distant. There was tension for about two weeks. We made up, and then she became distant again. And then we had The Talk.

We broke up because she said that she could not be in a relationship where she could not be herself. I think she felt claustrophobic, controlled. And, at the time, I was too disturbed by the image of lions and carcasses to be able to compromise.   

Coffee and Chocolate

Some of you reading this may think that this post is not about orgies at all. You may be wondering: where is the roomful of naked writhing bodies throbbing with uncontrolled passion? Where are the masks and the whips and the chains? And the liver, what about the goose liver?

Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, but the actual definition of an orgy is actually quite different from what you have in your dirty little paté-loving mind. However, I will leave you with the assurance that there are orgies of the kind you are thinking of in Colombo. Close friends of mine have been invited. Other friends have been to parties which descend into couples having individual bouts all over the room, but no swapping. A quick look on kapuwa.com females-looking-for-females section will assure you that there are a plethora of married couples in Colombo looking for threesomes.

There’s a lot of it going on. You just have to know where to look. So, now: Go. Seek.  And, bring me some tasty morsels for the next Never-Have-I-Ever session. Invitees only.